Monday, September 29, 2008

Weekend Recap of My Own

Talk about an eventful weekend! I got asked out on a date on Friday, we trimmed the huge tree in the backyard and made bread and cookies on Saturday, we played baseball on Sunday....and I also got the chance to spend time alone with each one of the four children over the weekend. I call that a success.

Starting with the date, there is a guy I met at AA, and he "likes" me (he really doesn't LIKE me, he wants to nail me, which are two entirely different things), and I am SO crushing on him. He is really, really cute. And funny. And did I mention that he likes me? Yeah. Very, very tempting. Last week, J and I sat with him, though, and I was kind of flirting with him, and-well. I did not do anything at all inappropriate, but there were vibes, and he asked me to go to dinner with him, and I had to say no....

I know I said before that even though I am in love with Steve, I would go out with someone if I were asked, simply because I am not going to put the rest of my life on hold because of Steve's issues. However, I have discovered that it isn't as easy as all that. For one thing, this J. is the first person who has asked me out. And yes, he is cute, and like I said, funny, but he is also not quite 6 months sober, which immediately rules him out. Also, he is going in for sentencing on a felony DUI in a few weeks-two really great reasons why I need to stay away from him. Not because I think any less of him (hello, I hang out with a bunch of recovering drunks-believe me, a felony DUI is pretty common in my group!), but because after going through some of this stuff with Steve, it isn't something I am willing to even think about until/unless he can get it all taken care of. And by time he DOES, I might be 40 years old. I did tell him, "Tell you what; you ask me again after you have a year sober and get through the worst of the legal crap, and then I'll give it some thought. Until then, no." It is both powerful and a little sad to be in a position to tell someone "no." I mean, like I have said, it isn't as if men are knocking down the door asking me out, so it is kind of sad to have to tell someone no-God knows when someone else might ask! At the same time, this is one of the hugest benefits about being sober and having gone through this kind of stuff before-no matter how cute, no matter how appealing, I have at least learned that I am not willing to take on another set of problems; I have enough of my own stuff to take care of, thank you. I also know enough to be able to think clearly-is the temporary fun and distraction (because there is no doubt in my mind that this would only be just that) worth it? Not today it isn't, not for me. So yeah-I feel a little wistful, yet at the same time very powerful-I made a decision that was best for me at that moment-that is huge.

On Saturday, my friend Chuck came over and we mostly finished trimming the tree in the backyard. My landlady has been telling me for three years that she would get someone over to get it done, but finally we just took matters into our own hands and did it ourselves. It is getting closer to winter here, and we get these really high winds, and the branches have been brushing on the power lines for at least three years. This year, they have grown enough in that they were actually weighing down the lines, so it HAD to be done. Plus there was a HUGE branch that hung over the clotheslines, and even though I know it is there, I see it and tell myself to duck, I have hit my head on it more than once. Anyway, it was a lot of work, but well worth it-the tree looks SO great, and the boys now have a huge tree-branch fort (which is actually quite cool, they have it set up like a tepee, kind of , where they crawl through this hole and there is a big bare circle inside), which will stay up until they dry out enough to be easier to cut. Chuck is much more patient than I am; he was letting both Hannah and Eli do the cutting, guiding them gently in how to do it, and I was really grateful. He says we are his second chance at having a child and grandchildren-due to his drinking history (he has 12 years), he is estranged from his family, and has kind of taken us under his wing. The whole family got involved. The big kids and Chuck cut down the branches, and Owen and Sam and I (and the dogs, of course!) were in charge of dragging them away, and it was just really, really neat. Afterward, Chuck wanted to take the older kids out to lunch, and he also apparently wanted to spoil them a little-all three came home with something. Sam now his his first and very own Scooter, Eli got the new book in the Eragon Series, plus some new school supplies, and Hannah got new undies and bras (yes, it is a big thing for she and I both, ha ha) and school supplies as well. Chuck says they need spoiled sometimes, and that it is his "right" as their adopted Grandpa. How do you argue with that, really?

Yesterday we did some of the household chores, and then headed out to Freddy's again with the dogs; we had Steve's again this time (I laughingly say that I have partial custody; I get to have her about every other Sunday), so the three of them were in hog heaven. We cooked hot dogs (and I had the foresight to take the chicken I wanted to use for the pasta for dinner and grilled it as well-wonderful!) and ate chips and played a few innings of baseball;. It was hilarious-since we play with everyone, we just use tennis balls so Sam and Owen don't have to worry about getting hit, but Eli's dog loves them. We had to take three balls because every time one of us would make a hit, the dog would chase after it. It was so much fun; I am sore today, though, from swinging the bat so much, and even from throwing the ball. Those are muscles I haven't used for a long time.

When Steve got back from his class, I made him take Owen for a drive while Hannah and I got dinner ready. O. has been driving me insane lately because he wants to "go bye bye daddy car!" And it just doesn't occur to Steve to ask if it is okay to take him for a ride or something like that. We had already talked about him coming over for dinner, so I just asked him if he could take O for a ride before dinner. And he was all like, "Oh, yeah, that's a great idea!" Duh. What is it that makes men so clueless sometimes? Why should I have to prompt him to do those kinds of things? He wants to complain sometimes because he doesn't get to see/spend time with Owen, and it's a little frustrating because a lot of the time he just doesn't see the opportunities.

Anyway, all in all it was a good weekend, and I am back at work feeling rested and in a good place emotionally. Again, not that things have changed so much, but just because I am in a place of acceptance and humility. It will be a good day, I am sure of it.

16 comments:

April said...

You're taking the time to enjoy the good times - that's awesome. It does sound like a really great weekend.
And congrats on turning down a guy :)

Momo Fali said...

Regarding the dating...a true sign of intelligence is people who learn from their mistakes. Sounds like you're smart as a whip! Seriously, you should be really proud of yourself for not falling into any sort of trap.

JT said...

Congratulations Kori, you had 1 of those weekends, that is truly what it's all about, and god knows, they come few and far between.

FreedomFirst said...

Good work on resisting temptation! It IS empowering to know that you don't have to put someone else first, or second guess your own decisions all the time.

I'm so glad you guys had a fun weekend! That's great that your friend Chuck is so good to the kids. I wish I could crawl into the tepee fort, lol; sounds like fun!

Cheffie-Mom said...

I think you are doing the right thing! You go girl! (: I'm glad you had a nice weekend and got some rest. (:

Kristin H. said...

Oh gawd, congratulations on the saying "no" to the newcomer. I know exactly what that is like. You did a good thing. Wise, wise girl.

Rachael said...

Good job for saying no to that date. Really strong and smart, way to go!

Mama Smurf said...

Oh man! I read the first sentence of that second paragragh and my heart just stopped beating! I was all "OMG she did NOT go out with a man in recovery"....I'm not an AA member but that has GOT to be a rule or something...

*sigh*

but you didn't....

And now I have all the MORE respect for you.

It's so nice to hear you had a great weekend.

pisceshanna said...

Go you on your girl power. I've been all "I am woman, hear me roar" since Friday too.

Single Parent Dad said...

Can you DHL me any spare wood? I'm on the scrounge for stuff for my new stove.

Good on you for the date call.

singleworkingmommy said...

Oh wow, again--so impressed with you!

I'm glad you were able to realize the date wasn't a good idea. How awesome are you to realize that? I totally wouldn't. Because I have the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old sometimes, I think.

I'm glad the rest of the weekend was good too. Although you reminded me I have to do some major backyard work due to Hurricane Ike a few weeks back.

Susie said...

Sounds like a fabulous weekend!

Kori said...

Sounds like one amazing weekend to me.

Dingo said...

That you are to a place where you know that you need to say "no" and do, well girl, that's fantastic. While it may have hurt him a bit, it helped you A LOT to know your limits, boundaries, and that you are not going to make the same mistake again.

It sounds like a lovely weekend. You needed it.

Jennifer said...

I'm so glad you had such a fun weekend!! It sounds great! It's probably good that you turned down the date for the time being--but it sure is nice to be asked!! How sweet of your friend to spend time w/ the kids and get them treats!!

Anna-b-bonkers said...

You are awesome!
Saying "no". Huge!
I don't know if I would have the clarity of mind if I were in your shoes.

Your weekend sounded great. You are just amazing!!