Talk about an eventful weekend! I got asked out on a date on Friday, we trimmed the huge tree in the backyard and made bread and cookies on Saturday, we played baseball on Sunday....and I also got the chance to spend time alone with each one of the four children over the weekend. I call that a success.
Starting with the date, there is a guy I met at AA, and he "likes" me (he really doesn't LIKE me, he wants to nail me, which are two entirely different things), and I am SO crushing on him. He is really, really cute. And funny. And did I mention that he likes me? Yeah. Very, very tempting. Last week, J and I sat with him, though, and I was kind of flirting with him, and-well. I did not do anything at all inappropriate, but there were vibes, and he asked me to go to dinner with him, and I had to say no....
I know I said before that even though I am in love with Steve, I would go out with someone if I were asked, simply because I am not going to put the rest of my life on hold because of Steve's issues. However, I have discovered that it isn't as easy as all that. For one thing, this J. is the first person who has asked me out. And yes, he is cute, and like I said, funny, but he is also not quite 6 months sober, which immediately rules him out. Also, he is going in for sentencing on a felony DUI in a few weeks-two really great reasons why I need to stay away from him. Not because I think any less of him (hello, I hang out with a bunch of recovering drunks-believe me, a felony DUI is pretty common in my group!), but because after going through some of this stuff with Steve, it isn't something I am willing to even think about until/unless he can get it all taken care of. And by time he DOES, I might be 40 years old. I did tell him, "Tell you what; you ask me again after you have a year sober and get through the worst of the legal crap, and then I'll give it some thought. Until then, no." It is both powerful and a little sad to be in a position to tell someone "no." I mean, like I have said, it isn't as if men are knocking down the door asking me out, so it is kind of sad to have to tell someone no-God knows when someone else might ask! At the same time, this is one of the hugest benefits about being sober and having gone through this kind of stuff before-no matter how cute, no matter how appealing, I have at least learned that I am not willing to take on another set of problems; I have enough of my own stuff to take care of, thank you. I also know enough to be able to think clearly-is the temporary fun and distraction (because there is no doubt in my mind that this would only be just that) worth it? Not today it isn't, not for me. So yeah-I feel a little wistful, yet at the same time very powerful-I made a decision that was best for me at that moment-that is huge.
On Saturday, my friend Chuck came over and we mostly finished trimming the tree in the backyard. My landlady has been telling me for three years that she would get someone over to get it done, but finally we just took matters into our own hands and did it ourselves. It is getting closer to winter here, and we get these really high winds, and the branches have been brushing on the power lines for at least three years. This year, they have grown enough in that they were actually weighing down the lines, so it HAD to be done. Plus there was a HUGE branch that hung over the clotheslines, and even though I know it is there, I see it and tell myself to duck, I have hit my head on it more than once. Anyway, it was a lot of work, but well worth it-the tree looks SO great, and the boys now have a huge tree-branch fort (which is actually quite cool, they have it set up like a tepee, kind of , where they crawl through this hole and there is a big bare circle inside), which will stay up until they dry out enough to be easier to cut. Chuck is much more patient than I am; he was letting both Hannah and Eli do the cutting, guiding them gently in how to do it, and I was really grateful. He says we are his second chance at having a child and grandchildren-due to his drinking history (he has 12 years), he is estranged from his family, and has kind of taken us under his wing. The whole family got involved. The big kids and Chuck cut down the branches, and Owen and Sam and I (and the dogs, of course!) were in charge of dragging them away, and it was just really, really neat. Afterward, Chuck wanted to take the older kids out to lunch, and he also apparently wanted to spoil them a little-all three came home with something. Sam now his his first and very own Scooter, Eli got the new book in the Eragon Series, plus some new school supplies, and Hannah got new undies and bras (yes, it is a big thing for she and I both, ha ha) and school supplies as well. Chuck says they need spoiled sometimes, and that it is his "right" as their adopted Grandpa. How do you argue with that, really?
Yesterday we did some of the household chores, and then headed out to Freddy's again with the dogs; we had Steve's again this time (I laughingly say that I have partial custody; I get to have her about every other Sunday), so the three of them were in hog heaven. We cooked hot dogs (and I had the foresight to take the chicken I wanted to use for the pasta for dinner and grilled it as well-wonderful!) and ate chips and played a few innings of baseball;. It was hilarious-since we play with everyone, we just use tennis balls so Sam and Owen don't have to worry about getting hit, but Eli's dog loves them. We had to take three balls because every time one of us would make a hit, the dog would chase after it. It was so much fun; I am sore today, though, from swinging the bat so much, and even from throwing the ball. Those are muscles I haven't used for a long time.
When Steve got back from his class, I made him take Owen for a drive while Hannah and I got dinner ready. O. has been driving me insane lately because he wants to "go bye bye daddy car!" And it just doesn't occur to Steve to ask if it is okay to take him for a ride or something like that. We had already talked about him coming over for dinner, so I just asked him if he could take O for a ride before dinner. And he was all like, "Oh, yeah, that's a great idea!" Duh. What is it that makes men so clueless sometimes? Why should I have to prompt him to do those kinds of things? He wants to complain sometimes because he doesn't get to see/spend time with Owen, and it's a little frustrating because a lot of the time he just doesn't see the opportunities.
Anyway, all in all it was a good weekend, and I am back at work feeling rested and in a good place emotionally. Again, not that things have changed so much, but just because I am in a place of acceptance and humility. It will be a good day, I am sure of it.