The Root of My Discontent

I have a new post up over at the Rocky Mountain Moms Blog today, if any of you are so inclined to hop on over there and read it. There is also a very interesting and rather heated discussion going on over there about how women abuse the court system in a divorce in order to steal the children away from their fathers. Written by, imagine this, a man. I did my own responding, but this guy? He isn't going to get it, so I am just choosing to step out of the fray for the time being. And yet I am wondering this: why is a man writing for a Moms Blog? Can't quite figure that one out, as there is a growing network of those dad blogs out there that would probably take a lot less offense, but meh-whatever.

I wrote earlier in the week about the blahs I have been experiencing, and last night I was finally so disgusted with myself that I sent myself to bed early in a pair of flannel pajamas. I was testy with the kids and ended up spending money on pizza that I couldn't really afford to spend because I could just NOT deal with trying to cook in a kitchen that is still not completely unpacked. I was just pissy enough to try to pick a fight with Steve, I yelled at Owen for getting the milk out of the fridge (this would be after he got a toy car stuck UP in the bathtub spout, after he dropped a container of salsa on the floor, after he kicked the dog's water dish over...) and taking the cap off and spilling half of it all over the floor. Because God Forbid I should actually have a few minutes to pee, right? And by 9:30, I was just done.

While I was on my walk at lunch, though, I was able to pinpoint part of the reason for my strange mood, and it helps to at least have a reason for feeling a certain way. We have talked about the lack of adrenaline right now, and that is part of it, and the reminder of the ongoing court date, so that is part of it as well. However, right this minute, I think I am feeling very much out of sorts because I don't feel settled.

Don't get me wrong; I love the house, the kids love the house, and I am NOT complaining. I am still grateful for it every minute. However, it is still a huge change, and I am having a hard time adjusting. I don't deal with change well, even if it is positive one. I am having a hard time getting into a routine that works for all of us, and you all know how important it is in our busy house to have a routine; so that has been hard. I am struggling with the fact that I have to leave the house earlier and we get home later, and I have yet to make enough time in the morning to eat breakfast before I go. I don't see Steve as much, I don't get to spend as much time with Jacquie, and when we get home, there are all the chores to be done THEN because the kids are no longer home after school to do them. I know that this will pass once we DO establish the routine, but in the meantime, it is really kicking my ass.

So this weekend I hope to do some things around the house to finish getting it put together. I still have pictures that need hung, boxes to unpack, cleaning to do. Hopefully if I get it all finished, I can start the next week off feeling more connected to the place, more able to adjust to this new change in routine. Soon I know it will seem as if we have always lived there, but for now, I will be happy if I simply don't feel like a transient.