Thursday

Dinner last night was, by the way, fabulous. Kimchi fried rice (and we made the kimchi from scratch, too, about a month ago) and some marinated pork tenderloin-mmmmmm. I ended up giving Owen his bath while Steve cooked, but he otherwise did everything else with regards to dinner and Owen-it was heavenly. He even brought over a movie to watch, but of course none of us made it through the whole thing. I took a hot bath myself and was cozied up in bed with the dogs by 10:15. Still didn't sleep well, but it was wonderful to just be in bed and warm and snuggled up. I am still not really feeling better, though, which I find odd-I have been on the antibiotics for four days now, and usually I start feeling a lot better within the first full 24 hours on them. My ribs hurt from coughing, my head hurts, and even though I have my little space heater AND my coat on, it is still chilly. April is SUCH a good friend to me that she got sick as well, just so I wouldn't be the only one ill; head on over and send her some get well wishes, too.


Eli has had to be at school early the past three mornings to work on a Power Point thing for one of his classes, so I have had to give him a ride. In fact, I just load up all the kids and we leave the house at 7:25; Hannah and Eli go to the same school, and Sam can walk to his school from Jacquie's, so he just rides there with me as well. It has been a really good week to have to leave early; it is still dark on the way TO the school, but as Sam and Owen and I are headed to J.'s, the sun is just beginning to come up, and the sky is quite literally gold around the edges. The trees with their smattering of leaves look black against the sky, and it feels very quiet and calm and absolutely stunning-the kinds of thing you see in pictures but say to yourself, "Yeah, right, talk about PhotoShopping!" It has actually been nice to leave the house a little early; it is strange, I know, but there is something so ordinary and everyday about taking the kids to school early that makes me feel like I am part of something, part of this league of mothers whose ranks I still often don't feel like I can enter into. I enjoy the illusions while it lasts; I know that I don't "fit in," for a variety of reasons, and 99% of the time I am totally fine with that. Things seem to be rolling along just fine for us, the kids are all basically well-behaved and do well in school and have just enough activities to keep them out of trouble, so it isn't a feeling of jealousy or comparison. However, I do relish those moments of simply being part of the crowd, one more mom in the line of moms waiting to drop their kids off and pulling forward until it is time to let mine out.

One thing I have noticed these last few mornings is that of all the cars I have been behind, mine is the only one in which the two older kids get out, lean over and kiss the baby and Sam goodbye, and all of us say "I love you." I know we can't be the only ones, I just don't see all of them, and also not very many high-schoolers would be caught DEAD hollering, "Love you mom, love you Owen, love you Sam" as they are walking away from the car. How did I get so lucky? Eli went to the Spook Alley last weekend and he called me when they got out to tell me how scary it was and to tell me he loved me-and he is 14. All I can think is that somewhere along the way, I have done a really good job at letting the kids know they are loved, and they will be able to be free and open with that with their own family-that is pretty damn neat.

I am considering calling in sick to class tonight; we get one excused absence, and I would love to just go ahead and let Jacquie keep Owen and Sam and Hannah and Eli and I could just curl up in our jammies and watch movies. Netflix (yes, they took me back!) will be arriving today, and I have coming, "Can't Buy Me Love," "Madagascar," and "Newsies," so I would love to just veg. It's an odd combination of movies, isn't it? YOU try picking movies that will please everyone-two teens, one of whom is a girl, a 9 year old, and a toddler-not easy. I am sure I won't actually call in, but it is nice to think about. The downside would be that I would then have to actually make dinner-hm.

Clearly I am just babbling now; 'nuff said.