But I Can Dream...Can't I?

When I was home for lunch, the FedEx guy stopped at our house with the backpacks that C. ordered for the kids from L.L. Bean; they have been awaiting their arrival all last week, even though it was impossible for them to have arrived before today. They are wonderful, beautiful backpacks; Sam's is not only monogrammed but also has wheels that light up when rolled, and he was also the recipient of a really neat clip-on light set. Hannah and Eli both opted for plaid, one in pink and the other in brown, and they got a smaller knapsack to go along with. Like I said, they are beautiful, another extremely generous gift from C. Sam has been waiting anxiously to send his thank-you note (yes, I still insist that thank yous be not only spoken but written as well), and finished it for me to send off today. He does not normally warm up so immediately to people-he is a great performer and fakes it well, but few people earn his genuine love. C. and D. have clearly passed the test, as his card ends with, "I think you are the coolest people ever." It is so much fun to see my kids fall in love with people I love so much-we have been so blessed in that arena that I truly do not have the words to fully convey that. I just know that there are a lot of people who love my kids as much as they love me, and wherever they go, the kids have a safety net; that is a very, very powerful thing.

The arrival of the backpacks is just another reminder that school is to begin in two weeks. I can register both Hannah and Eli online (with hope, there will not need to be any schedule changes!), and this will be taken care of this week, and I think I register Sam on Thursday. Both H. and E. are in high school this year, and it is both exciting and scary for me to realize how quickly they are growing up. Physically, they have both towered over me for several years; I found out last night that Hannah is also almost as strong as me, and I know Eli could seriously kick my ass were he wont to do (let's hope he never reads my blog, or any shred of fear my threats might instill will be long gone). Even Sam, who still only hits 54 pounds after a full meal and with ALL his clothes on, is also very much taller this year than last. Such a damn cliche, but the time goes by too fast, and they grow so much, that the mind boggles.

I have to go to Boise to pick Eli up next Saturday; we dropped him off in Pendleton on our way home from vacation last weekend, and his dad is flying him back in to Boise. I think I am going to take the other three kids with me and get some school shopping done there. The mall there is really nice, and has a few stores the kids really like that we don't have in the town we normally have to go to. Also, even though we have had our vacation and all, it will be the last time we really get to just hang put and be together having fun before school starts. I mean, we are almost always TOGETHER-but when school starts, there are sports and homework and tutoring and all of the other things that make up the schedule-which leaves a lot less time to just be a family and remember that we do kind of like one another.

Ugh, though. The fact that both the older kids are going to be in high school is financially frightening. I shudder to think of what their fees are going to be, and since ALL of them have grown up so much, we are looking at everything new-from socks and undies on up. We did get a few things for the vacation that also doubled as Back-to-School clothes, so that helps. Still-jeans for all, new shoes for all, etc...sigh, I think that for me, one of the hardest parts of being a single parent is still the lack of money; no child support from either ex, and it gets really hard sometimes to make ends meet-especially when things like SCHOOL come up. Also, H. and E. will both be in Driver's Ed. during the school year, though at different times, and that-well. That creates a LOT of burdens, financially and otherwise!

But I am not going to stress about it too much today. There isn't anything I can do about it anyway, and we will get what we need, even if it is one outfit at a time for each. That is one thing I have learned, that we don't HAVE to buy the whole wardrobe right now, and the kids are usually pretty good about a new pair of jeans and a couple shirts to start, along with their shoes and socks and stuff. I know they want more, I know they want me to shop at the cool places, and I would like that as well-but we also know THAT can't be changed, so we deal.

I will complain here for just a minute, though. Yeah, I know we just got back from vacation; I know I also had four no-kid days back in April. But would you all think I am terribly selfish for wanting one ALONE night before school starts? I would love to head to a hotel ALONE and have total solitude, from lunch to dinner to bedtime to coffee and a book in the morning all by myself. Ah...I can dream, right?

P.S. Thanks for the gifts, to those who gave them to me; I will be posting about them tomorrow!