Monday, November 3, 2008

Last Day of Filing!

It looks like my little cyber-stalker friend is back; I have enabled comment moderation again, of course, and to answer someones question, no, I don't KNOW this guy. He is just some freaky dude who is totally against AA and all it stands for. I just have to laugh, really, because he is so ridiculous. Believe me, if I am going to go to hell, there will be a lot more legitimate reasons than me going to AA. Just sayin'.

After I blogged yesterday, my day got appreciably better. Not that it was terrible to begin with, but I have been struggling with that crap for a long time, and it felt really, really freeing to say out loud that this is no longer something I hope for or even necessarily want. I do want to clarify, though, that it isn't as if I have been looking, and no, I don't think I need a man-I have lived without one for most of my adult life, 4 children notwithstanding. And, okay, I'll be totally honest here, I am not lacking for companionship-I have almost too many friends, and I choose to spend most of my time with my kids but I don't HAVE to. I have also had and will continue to have the opportunity to, um, as Mr. Lady has said, "take a walk" with several men of my choosing if I so desire, so it isn't as if I am taking a vow of celibacy. As I have said before, I am not unhappy, not as a rule; this "giving up" so to speak is mostly just verbalizing the life I already live.

***As an aside, none of this has anything to do with Steve, at least not directly. He is and always will be a huge part of my life, not just because he is Owen's dad but also because he is my best friend, and I love him. I think he is "the one," but I also know that there are a million other men in the world whom I could love and make a good life with. The fact that I love him so much does not mean it has worked for us, nor does it mean that I can't fall in love with someone else. Just so you know.***

Anyway, this is where things are today: it is gorgeous today, the sun shining so brightly that it hurts the eyes, shining on the rain-soaked trees and grass with an especial brilliance. I am down 1.4 pounds this morning, I am in the middle of doing my last bit of filing before the receptionist will take back over this morning, and life is good. Hard, yes, and scary, but also immeasurably good.

13 comments:

Kristin H. said...

::hug::

April said...

So you took our sunshine away? We're cloudy and forecast for showers tonight and tomorrow.
Love you. (you and I have talked this subject to death so I don't really have anything else to add.)

Cheffie-Mom said...

I'm glad today is a good day. I can picture the sun shining on the rain soaked trees. (:

Mama Smurf said...

We are also having an extremely sunny and unseasonably warm day here in MI too. Love days like this.

Your positive energy is contagious.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I was watching out for today's post, I had been noticing your Monday posts were a bit down.

Nice to hear things are good.

FreedomFirst said...

Aw, I can't believe that jackass is back! Doesn't he have anything worthwhile to do with himself? Sorry you had to be the guinea pig, as I was almost ready to disable comment moderation myself. Oh well. I guess I'd better warn everyone on my blog list, if he hasn't gotten to them already.

Enjoy the sunshine! And the knowledge that no matter how unhappy you are, you will always be happier than poor Patrick.

JT said...

WOW!That guy is a serious douchebag! Oops, sorry, I try not to leave that kind of language on people's blogs, but my god, what kind of a nutbag is he?
I'm all for letting the psychos out for a walk on occasion, but that man would make me lock myself up! Bring on the padded walls baby, momma needs the prozac!

Dingo said...

I see your cyber stalker is back with his twisted version of Christianity. I wish Jesus would just lean over from on high and bitch slap him while saying, "That's not the way to love one another!"

Anyway, I read your posts yesterday and I'm glad your day got better today. I don't think it's so much that you are giving up hope but that you've made some practical and tough decisions for where you are in your life and your kids' lives right now. Hope doesn't always mean things are rosy. Hope is when you can have bad days like yesterday and still say life is good. Hard, yes, and scary, but also immeasurably good.

Momo Fali said...

I gained the weight you lost...and it's all Twix bars.

Ronda's Rants said...

I have been getting some not so nice emails...political junk...it makes me sad...not sure what if anything to do!
Wednesday should be a good day!!!

for a different kind of girl said...

If you can say, on a Monday, that life is good, then life is stellar!

Huckdoll said...

Your weather sounds absolutely gorgeous...UGH, so much better than the torrential rain here that seems to be bouncing back up of the streets.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Your weather sounds like our weather and I applaud this post...wow! How amazing you are! Thank you for sharing!
Hugs,
G