Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Grace Arrives

Daily we are surrounded by grace, even in the midst of sorrow and pain. Daily we are given the chance to live in the moment and see that for all of the bad, there is an equal or greater amount of good. Sometimes it is just a matter of changing your perception, of opening your eyes to things you maybe didn't notice before, or look for the good in everything. It is there, I promise you, no matter what it looks like from the outside.

This morning, I stopped for just a moment, needing to wake up Sam and get Eli to school and try to figure out a way to convince Owen that it is not necessary to immediately strip off and fling all items of clothing being put on him. I stopped-and Sam was nestled in his bed, just stirring, and I followed my impulse and climbed into bed with him. I rubbed his soft, bony little back and woke him up with sweet words, and felt filled with unutterable joy and peace. I have this-I have been given this, the gift of these four creatures, and there is grace and beauty in being able to love them.

As you all know, we have had some new trouble arise, trouble about which I can't speak right now. What I do know is that no matter how awful it is, it will be okay; whatever "okay" ultimately looks like for us. There is grace in that knowledge, that we are capable of getting through this process one step at a time, and will emerge stronger and more powerful at the end of it all. I know, too, that in order to be better than I am today, I have to follow this through, all the way, to the bitter end. Not for me, but for my kids, and for the example that my life sets, and... yes, for me.

I know that today, there is sunshine and warmth, that I can look outside and see the falling leaves and way the light shines on the windows, and I can be glad. I can be happy in knowing that in just a few short hours, we will all be safe at home together, with dinner cooking and baths being run. Today, and going to see the grace that comes from knowing how truly blessed I am.

And you are all part of that, whether you know it or not. I rejected an anonymous comment today, thinking, "Nope, I am not going there today." Instead, I am choosing to notice the beauty in your responses, your kind words and you heartfelt prayers, and there is grace in knowing that even though I can't tell you what is going on, you care enough to still send best wishes. Life is so beautiful, even amidst the crap.

15 comments:

Kori said...

Wonderfully lovely post.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

No my dear, you are beautiful, I may not have met you face to face, but your beauty, courage and love come through in this blog! I thank you for your words, each and every day!

Hugs to you,
G~*

Mama Smurf said...

You are an exceptional woman.

Thank you for reminding me to....just stop....and enjoy the little moments.

Chelle said...

You're right. Life is beautiful. Most people just choose not to see it. Just remember to hold on to that feeling of grace and happiness.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Amen.
You need a little Grace voodoo doll.
GOOD Voodoo

Kerrie said...

Know that I am thinking of you and your children and holding you close to my heart...

Sending wishes for some gentle times ahead for you.

MoziEsmé said...

Oh Kori, I love this post. Sometimes tragedy brings out the best in us.

I also know that for every mountaintop there is a valley, and you may re-read your post in a few days and wonder what happened to the person who wrote it. Praying that you stay strong and remember there are many who care about you and your family, even in the darkest moments when you doubt your own capacity to handle things.

osolomama said...

Serenity. . .and being glad for what is, even when it's totally daft or anxious-making. I think you captured that beautifully. I agree that our kids are a gift in those times. Hang in and take it one day at a time. . .I'm asking the goddess to flow more good vibes of the universe your way! Whatever it is, you can deal with it. Que sera, sera.

April said...

You sound SO much better. And if you're not feeling that way later, so what? You're enjoying the good moments you can, and dealing with the bad. It's okay to not be happy every single fucking moment - particularly when you're dealing with a very fucked up situation.
I love you. And I'm here through the good, the bad, the ridiculous, and the ugly.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Oh my.

The words are damn near perfect and the message even more so.

Grace indeed. Beautiful.

Dingo said...

Aw man! Gabriella Moonlight took my words. Well, it bears repeating: YOU are beautiful. YOU are grace.

Sully Sullivan said...

I am actually dying to know what has happened because I'm very very nosey, but I send my best either way.

Last night the snow fell for the first time in toronto. There had been flurries and what not, but this was the first real snow of the year and I stood outside with someone I really care about and just looked up, for what seemed like a few seconds but what was really almost 15 minutes. Silent, because words were irrelevant in this particular moment, we pointed big flakes out to one another and shot ouselves quick glances and warm smiles. When I die, although I refuse to believe heaven exists, I hope that I was wrong and heaven is standing with the people that matter most, eyes toward the sky, pointing out snow flakes as they fall on our faces.

Thanks for inspiring me to write that. I never would have if I hadn't read your post.

Tara R. said...

You continue to amaze me each and every day. Peace and hope to you and yours.

osolomama said...

Hey, I'm in Toronto too and had that magic feeling this morning when I woke up to the snow clinging to the branches of the thousands of tress here. You started something, Kori. . .and Sully (I hear ya).

Momo Fali said...

So very true. And, when things are really, really bad around here I always remind myself that they could be worse. I wish you much sunshine.