Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A Brief Update

I don't know how many times I have started to blog today only to get mid-way into a post before giving it up. My mind is running in a thousand different directions this last week, and I am not sure which thread I should follow.

Yesterday was a really, really bad day, to say the least. I spent the day either crying or in a fury, lashing out at everyone within reach. I am a rather toxic person to be around lately, and unfortunately those I love the most have been the recipient of my deep anger. Last night, after yelling at the kids and being THE world's biggest bitch to Jacquie and skipping the meeting (in which I was supposed to get my 9 year medallion) because I just could.not.deal., I sat in the bathtub and cried for a really long time, then I got out and called Steve and cried some more for a really long time, and then I called Jacquie and....do you see a pattern emerging here?

But today I am a little better in that I have some more information about what will happen next. I called the courthouse this morning and got a woman whom I actually know, someone I helped out on some insurance stuff awhile back. She happens to be in a position of being able to access information very easily, and while it is all a matter of public record, I am finding out that even so, it isn't an easy matter. Anyway, she told me what happened at the arraignment, and when the pre-lim would be, and what I need to do next, so it helps a lot to sort of know what is coming. Not the outcome, not at all, but just to know what to expect in the next week helps. It really bites ass that the pre-lim next week is on Hannah's BIRTHDAY; does that fucking suck or what? Of course he pled not guilty, and even qualified for a Public Defender, which frankly baffles me; while I don't know exactly how much he makes, I do know that it has to be somewhere around $50,000, and he has no dependants. However, he couldn't post the bond, so that is a good thing.

I have also called to make an appointment with a counselor, for Hannah to start with but also for the whole family if needed. It was someone recommended to us by the CARES people, and they are going to "work her in" after the Thanksgiving holiday, so will be calling back today or tomorrow to set up the appointment. She is doing okay, and by okay I mean just that. Good days and bad days, and I think she is still feeling shocked and sickened more than anything else right now. At some point there will be grief for all of us, layers upon layers of different feelings that will need peeled away one layer at a time, but right now we are all focusing very much on getting through each day.

In case you were wondering, any of you, I have Hannah's permission to write about this. She doesn't want the details out there, which I respect. And she did pre-approve the other post about it BEFORE I put it up; this is her story, and I may not be able to give you more than occasional updates out of respect for her, and for the whole legal aspect of it. however, you all know my email, and feel free to use it. Please do, in fact; your support has been overwhelming, and I am grateful.


justme said...

(((hugs))) Kori, it is good to hear from you.

So fucking sucky that the hearing in on Hannah's birthday...*that* is a sick twist.

I am sorry that yesterday was so bad...I am sorry that life has thrown this shit at you and did not allow you to enjoy a day that really should have been happy for you. 9 years sober is a great achievement...Congrats to you, truly.

Still sending all of you hopes for strength through this, and for some peace and healing.

Mr Lady said...

Well, you let Hannah know that a lot of us are out here, knowing what she's feeling, and cheering for her so loud she could probably hear it if she listened really hard. And we're cheering for you, too, baby.

Kori said...

Been missing you. I'm sorry about the bad day you had yesterday. Just know we're all here when you need us.

Much love.

hugabug1 said...

I'm sorry your day was so bad yesterday. Congrats on nine years sober, though! That's an awesome achievement. Knowing how rotten the last year or so has been makes it even more so. Tell Hannah that there are a lot of us out here in cyber space thinking about her and praying for her.

Tara R. said...

I'm heartsick and still really, really pissed. Ditto to what Mr Lady said. We are so proud of Hannah for taking a stand, even when it's difficult. It's good that she is getting in so soon to talk with a counselor. I hope that perv never gets out.

Ms Crazy Princess said...

I don't know exactly what to say except I'm sorry that you and Hannah have to deal with that.. and on her birthday, that's rough.. But you are in my mind and my prayers, as is she. I hope everything goes okay and as smoothly as it possibly can.
Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.
And MUCH congrats on your 9 years sober. That's a huge achievement!

Anonymous said...

Glad you have found your voice again. What a shit. "of course I'm not guilty." What an asshole. Puketastic. I hate the courts. I feel like I'm going to age 10 years after all this is over. I'm definitely thinking about you.

Mnemosyne said...

Kori, I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I am so saddened that this happened to her and to your family. Mr Lady is dead on, and I am one of the ones cheering for her and you.

Anonymous said...

Keep on keepin' on. This is really tough.

Mama Smurf said...

I've been absent for a few days and just read your previous post.

You have so much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. Thankful that you have a very smart daughter. Thankful for the relationship that you two share. Thankful that she feels safe enough in your relationship to confide in you. And last, but certainly not least, thankful that because of your daughter's courage that man will not be able to do this again.

You are a strong bunch, Kori.

I know that doesn't help your aching heart ache any less but it's still true.

Thinking of your family every day.

Julie said...

I don't have words that could adequately express how much I feel for you, so I will just echo what the others are saying; you and the kids are in my thoughts and prayers.

April said...

I love you. And I love Hannah. And I'm so proud of both of you. I'm always here.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I hope yu can let Hannah know we are thinking about her and hoping only for the bnest for her.

Goes without saying, you too.

Jill said...

Please let Hannah know that for what it's worth, I think:

-- this sucks

-- in spite of this, she WILL kick butt against him and she WILL kick butt in life in general

And Kori, if you're feeling rage, I think it's completely understandable. You are handling this as well as any reasonable adult can be expected to handle something so wrong and so violating to their family.

Lynn said...

Of course you're angry. That's normal I'd say. Tell Hannah that we all are proud of her for standing up to this sick twisted asshole. She's a brave girl. You're in my thoughts every day.

Mrs4444 said...

Again, I'm so happy for Hannah; that she is a strong enough, confident enough girl to stand up and be heard. She is an example to others.

Congratulations on your medallion, Kori.