I think God is trying to tell me something. Last week-or was it the week before?-I got stung twice by a wasp in a rather personal area. Got over that. But on Tuesday night, I knocked a cup of tea off of the arm of the couch into my lap. A cup of tea that head been boiling mere seconds prior to being dumped. And it was one of those things where a split-second before I knocked it over, I actually thought to myself, "Hm, better not set that there." Can you say holy FUCK? In retrospect, it IS funny to think about it. I jumped up so fast that the cup went flying across the room, and even in my drinking-and-getting-laid days, I have never taken my clothes off that fast. NEVER. I was standing in the kitchen with no pants on, a cold, wet towel wrapped around both legs, crying and also laughing at the same time. Not fun. And can you imagine the embarrassment at having to call my boss yesterday morning and explain why I couldn't make it in to work? Because I am clumsy and burnt the piss out of my thighs and, marginally, my hoo-ha (though I didn't actually share that info with him, it is is true)? Yeah, nice. And all he could so was laugh and say "Oh, man, I am so sorry, ha ha ha...that must really hurt, snort snort giggle, I hope you can make it to work on Thursday, guffaw..."
But you know, I am all right, and it is kind of funny. In a sick kind of way. There are blisters, or were before they popped and oozed and caused my pajama pants to stick to them...and it hurts like hell but is way better today than yesterday (I credit Lavender Essential Oils for the quick healing; it truly is remarkable how well that stuff works). And I am so sick that I actually thought, "Hm, I wonder if there is a way I can take a somewhat tasteful photo of this and post it on my blog?" Yep. Sick. But no worries, you will all be spared that sight. And if you have any ideas about what exactly it is that God is trying to tell me, please let me know.
That said, I am better in lots of ways today than I have been. Nothing in my life has changed, but I am on a much more even keel, feeling much more at peace than I have in quite some time. I think-no, I know-that part of my angst and emotional turmoil comes from feeling like I am responsible for everyone else's emotions/feelings/actions in addition to my own, and I have been consciously trying to give those things back to the person to whom they belong. Not generally verbally, but symbolically (although with the kids, it tends to be verbal: as in, "Sam, I am so sorry that you still can't find the Scout book that you were supposed to put in a safe place and therefore can't finish the work to get your badge. However, I am not responsible for your having lost it and I am not going to buy you another one."), and it helps. It also helps to write my problems/issues/concerns down and put them into my little God Box, symbolically letting God take care of them because when I try, I just fuck them up. I have long since proven that when I try to run my own life, I get myself in trouble, but every now and again I forget that and try to assume that I know how to handle things a lot better than I really do. And then I go crazy.
So today, I am okay. A little worse for the wear physically, but WAY better emotionally. And I felt so bad for so long that I am really, really grateful for feeling so much better. Life is good today, and maybe today is all that matters.