The Party Is Over

One more hurdle over with; the office dinner last night is over, and I managed to get through it relatively unscathed. There was one awkward moment when the boss' wife said, "So are we expecting another person?" after the rest of us had congregated, but I just laughed and said, "Heavens no!" and that was that. The food was good, although there was way too much of it (which you will not often hear me say), and the company was also good. I like that part of it, the talking around the table and keeping it light; what I DON'T like is the cozy atmosphere afterward where someone might get me cornered and ask me things I don't want to answer. It is funny; everyone in the office KNOWS about the ongoing situation with Hannah, but I have tried very hard to not let my true emotions come out. Have to maintain the image of being okay, have to make sure the boss knows that I am truly dedicated to the job and am not going to let the outside issues affect my performance (which I have been, but I fake it well). Amber, the receptionist, is the only one who knows how I REALLY feel, partly because she reads the blog and partly because she is nice; she doesn't ignore the crying in the cubicle, and I don't have to feel embarrassed about tearing up in front of her if she asks how we are doing. I was thinking, too, that it is a blessing to have at least one person who will not shy away or cringe when I answer, "No, we are not okay" when asked; that is such a freeing thing. It doesn't CHANGE anything, but it is nice not to pretend all of the time.

Anyway, I skipped the whole going to the boss' house afterward, using the excuse that I did not want to leave Eli home with the little boys too long. While under most circumstances that would be true, I also knew that Owen would be in bed at just after 8:00, so I was stretching the truth a little bit. I think that is a truth-stretching with which I can live, though. When I got home, Owen was waiting in bed for me to come sing to him, and Sam was all sleepy and curled up on the floor waiting to say goodnight, and I would much rather be there than at a party.

I feel very calm and quiet inside today. We still have all of this stuff going on, of course, and after the new year we will have to jump right back in to the reality of trial dates and counseling appointments, we will have to deal with this situation head on again, but for now it feels really nice to not have that looming over our heads. So far as another income goes, there are a couple of possibilities out there, and while again that doesn't solve the problems right this minute, it does bode well for the future. What I like is not feeling so stuck; I always feel better after I have taken action of some sort, even if it doesn't GO anywhere or turns out to have been a wrong choice.

And today is my 200th post; shouldn't there be some sort of fanfare, some waving of flags or a celebration of some sort? Hm. Perhaps I will go in the back and get another cup of coffee and a chocolate cookie and call it good.


P.S. I have gotten requests from a few of you to follow me on Twitter, and I wanted to let you know that I am not simply ignoring you or declining. Instead, what has happened is that I cannot remember my password and, okay, I never could figure out the whole thing. So there. I still adore all of you just as much, I just haven't had the time or the inclination to retrieve my passwird and try it again. That is also why I quit Plurking; I only lasted two days and felt like was trying to read the dictionary while on crack.