1. I am petty and childish at times. Today? The dumb boy in my office? He got in trouble. And man, that was good; it was "the first sip out of an ice-cold beer after mowing a lawn on a hot day" good. I am still on a high about it. See, he is ten years younger than me, had to take the state licensing exam around the same time I did, and failed it. Twice. Yet he got hired on making more than I do (and I have been here almost 4 years), as well as gets 5% more commission. All that would be okay IF he was bringing a lot of business to the table, but he just isn't. Near as we can tell, he spends a lot of time looking at risque photos on the computer instead of selling. And when he DOES sell something, well, let's just say that even after having been here for going on two years, he still doesn't know what the fuck he is doing. On top of all of that-which is reason enough to be annoying as hell, he calls taking care of his kids on the nights his wife has to work "babysitting." Now, my boss knows that I personally don't like the kid, for a variety of reasons, and since I am not the most tactful person in the world, well, let's just say I have had to learn to just shut the fuck up or risk getting myself into trouble. but today? The one NICE woman in the office actually got annoyed enough to talk to the boss about it. And there was a conference between the boss and the kid, complete with closed doors and raised voices. Man, I am SO loving this!
2. I have a small cut on my right wrist, about an inch long but very thin, like a paper cut. This I got while staying home with an ill toddler yesterday (he has a really disgustingly oozing penis, poor little guy!) and having to stick my arm up to said wrist into the toilet to retrieve a piece of sidewalk chalk that the little darling had decided he needed to flush down. You know, the cute little egg shaped ones that Crayola put out for Easter, so it wasn't as if it was small enough to just dissolve. That is no big deal; what makes me both cringe and laugh is that I got it out before it got TOO wet and thought, "Hey! This will dry out and be juuust fine." Clearly I have turned into my own mother at some point in my life. Kill me now.
3. There is no noise I hate more than the sound of someone chewing with their mouth open. This is to the point where I cannot be in the same room with the kids when they are eating anything even remotely chewy or crunchy or, well, basically anything. This has also led to tears and those awful "bad mom" moments where I tell the kids if I hear them chew one more time I am going to tape their fucking mouth shut and they can drink through a straw for the rest of their lives.
4. I don't eat out alone. I am not afraid to go other places alone, like shopping or to the bookstore or Starbucks alone, but eating out? In a restaurant? Can't do it. I CAN go through a drive-thru alone, I can also order a meal to be picked up and taken home to eat, but cannot force myself to go into a place and sit at a table by myself.
5.I love to go to the dentist and have my teeth cleaned. Not only do I love the way my mouth feels afterward, I also love the fact that there are TVs on the ceiling. We don't watch TV at our house, so I love to go to the dentist to be able to watch TV for half an hour without explaining to the kids why it is totally okay for ME to watch it, just not them. And I am such a nerd that I actually loved The Price is Right when it was on...
6.I am currently totally obsessed with my own ass. I recently went on this diet called "The Boyfriend Dumped Me and The Ex Stole All My Money," which I wouldn't recommend in terms of silly little things like, oh, health and mental stability, but you know, my ass sure does look good these days.
7. I had a long cry at lunch today, then came back to work with a whole new attitude. All in all, my life is pretty freaking good.