Friday, February 20, 2009

The Root of My Discontent

I have a new post up over at the Rocky Mountain Moms Blog today, if any of you are so inclined to hop on over there and read it. There is also a very interesting and rather heated discussion going on over there about how women abuse the court system in a divorce in order to steal the children away from their fathers. Written by, imagine this, a man. I did my own responding, but this guy? He isn't going to get it, so I am just choosing to step out of the fray for the time being. And yet I am wondering this: why is a man writing for a Moms Blog? Can't quite figure that one out, as there is a growing network of those dad blogs out there that would probably take a lot less offense, but meh-whatever.

I wrote earlier in the week about the blahs I have been experiencing, and last night I was finally so disgusted with myself that I sent myself to bed early in a pair of flannel pajamas. I was testy with the kids and ended up spending money on pizza that I couldn't really afford to spend because I could just NOT deal with trying to cook in a kitchen that is still not completely unpacked. I was just pissy enough to try to pick a fight with Steve, I yelled at Owen for getting the milk out of the fridge (this would be after he got a toy car stuck UP in the bathtub spout, after he dropped a container of salsa on the floor, after he kicked the dog's water dish over...) and taking the cap off and spilling half of it all over the floor. Because God Forbid I should actually have a few minutes to pee, right? And by 9:30, I was just done.

While I was on my walk at lunch, though, I was able to pinpoint part of the reason for my strange mood, and it helps to at least have a reason for feeling a certain way. We have talked about the lack of adrenaline right now, and that is part of it, and the reminder of the ongoing court date, so that is part of it as well. However, right this minute, I think I am feeling very much out of sorts because I don't feel settled.

Don't get me wrong; I love the house, the kids love the house, and I am NOT complaining. I am still grateful for it every minute. However, it is still a huge change, and I am having a hard time adjusting. I don't deal with change well, even if it is positive one. I am having a hard time getting into a routine that works for all of us, and you all know how important it is in our busy house to have a routine; so that has been hard. I am struggling with the fact that I have to leave the house earlier and we get home later, and I have yet to make enough time in the morning to eat breakfast before I go. I don't see Steve as much, I don't get to spend as much time with Jacquie, and when we get home, there are all the chores to be done THEN because the kids are no longer home after school to do them. I know that this will pass once we DO establish the routine, but in the meantime, it is really kicking my ass.

So this weekend I hope to do some things around the house to finish getting it put together. I still have pictures that need hung, boxes to unpack, cleaning to do. Hopefully if I get it all finished, I can start the next week off feeling more connected to the place, more able to adjust to this new change in routine. Soon I know it will seem as if we have always lived there, but for now, I will be happy if I simply don't feel like a transient.


April said...

well, you know I have MUCH experience with moving. It takes a couple of months to feel like it's home, and to settle into a routine. It's good that you've figured out the reason for your discontent, though. That's progress!
I love you. said...

It's gonna happen for you, too, honey! All you need to do is allow for a little bit of time to pass and it will all feel better.
Chin up ;-)

Lynn said...

I think sometimes when we have so much going on in our lives and we finally have a bit of a lull, there's a feeling of unease that nothing is happening. It's like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. You still have big things coming up to deal with, so take a breath and just "be" for now. It will all come together eventually.

Have a great weekend and hope you make lots of progress on the house so you can start to feel more at home.

GypsiAdventure said...

Try to hang in there honey...moving is tough on anyone, especially with everything going on. Try this weekend to just take a deep breath and enjoy everything you have..the boxes will still be there, the chores will still be there, everything will wait.

won said...

Uh oh.... I need you to soldier through this and come out better for it and stronger on the other side.

How's that for selfish? And yes, I say that mostly tongue in cheek.

But you are a bit of an inspiration and role model for me. Monday I start my new job after not working for years and then on the 14th of March, I am moving.

My PTSD makes the unknown all the more scary. I'm watching you and rooting for you and your successes as I am right behind you girlfriend!

Mozi Esme said...

Hope this weekend gets you feeling more settled! Wish I had an explanation like that for my snippiness sometimes... :) Owen & Esme would have a great time together in the kitchen, I am certain!

Anonymous said...

A new home is both exciting and unsettling, isn't it? I hope you had a good weekend and are figuring out your new routines.

Martin said...

Personally I don't see the problem with a guy writing with 'moms' as a target audience, and vice versa.

Isn't that how we continue to actually learn a bit about each other?

Unknown said...

I think that change is a difficult place for many of us and creating new routines that work is hard, and it takes time, you've had so much go on in the past few months, its not surprising that you are in the midst of the blahs...Just know you're in so many peoples hearts, thoughts and prayers...hang in there, this too shall pass.

Shiona said...

Here's hoping you got all unpacked. Getting settled is always a process.