Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Oh, Lordy, She's On One Again

I don't have anything to say today that isn't going to start some kind of a conflict, which really fucking pisses me off-which by saying so out loud just creates more conflict, which in turn makes me angrier. So I am just going to go all out here and get it off my chest and let the chips fall where they may. So be it. This is not just about the whole post-that-I-deleted-yesterday thing, though it has a small something to do with it, and hey guys, I refuse to mention names, I refuse to get into the whole he-said-she-said blah fuckety blah shit. Here is my disclaimer, one that should NEVER be necessary on a blog but whatever: This blog is my opinion. I write about my life and my thoughts and the things going on in my life. I do not delete or reject comments unless they are by crazy Patrick-the-Anti-AA-Guy or may otherwise hurt me or my readers. The use of the rods "you," "they," "yours" are all collectively meant and not directed at any one person in particular. The reason for this post may or may not become clear, but it will serve it's purpose for me.

Number One:

Just because Steve and I have sex on occasion and went away for one night does not make me any less alone, nor does it make me any less of a single parent. I am doing 95% of the raising of his son, in addition to raising three other children, on less than one income. I still go to bed alone 99.9% of the time, unless my bed companion is of the four-legged variety. I do all of the work, believe me, and when I talk about making arrangements to take my suicidal daughter to the BHC or to go somewhere overnight, Steve is never about whom I am speaking. In this respect, I am no different than every other single mom in the world who goes on dates and, yes, occasionally gets laid. I just happen to love the guy I am fucking; that does not mean we are "together" in any real sense of the word. I do the work, I get up with sick kids and I did this move on my own, with the help of a few friends. The fact that I should even have to defend myself in the single mom world makes me sick. The mommy wars? Jebus, I thought we were above all of that, especially in this single-mom world; little did I know that there are as many definitions for "single" as there are for "family," and apparently I don't meet that definition for some of you. So be it. Until and unless I have a wedding ring on my finger and a joint checking account and fucking everyday backup, I am single and alone. Deal with it.

Number Two:

I am no longer going to sit back and let anyone make me feel like shit because of the whole Christmas gift thing. I am well and truly sorry that some of you had awful Christmases yourselves, I really am-because I well know how much it sucks to be poor and not be able to give your kids ANYTHING, much less everything. I really and truly do get that. However undeserving any of you may have thought I was/am, my kids aren't. I would have gladly passed on some of the things we received had I only known that you were also truly struggling in that area.

Number Three:

I have very strong opinions, and I have gotten into the terrible habit of filtering them in order to not stomp on anyones toes. That is the one bad thing about blogging; intent does not come across in words all of the time, and I know I HAVE stomped on a few toes, though not deliberately. If you know me at all, and those of you who are regular readers DO know this, I can be a real bitch. I call them as I see them, I try not to hold back for fear of what people will think of me, blah blah blah. I DO filter myself when commenting, though, because I don't want to hurt someones feelings. By the same token, you can comment all you want about what you don't like about me or my opinion, and I won't delete them simply because my feelings might be hurt. I will, however, address said hurt feelings and/or anger to you directly in an email if I think it is something I need to get off my chest or maybe to clear up a misconception. I am sorry in advance if any of you do not like this directness; take it or leave it. I would be stupid and naive if I whistled around the world with my head in the clouds thinking "oh, yay! everyone loves me!" so unless it is something I feel VERY strongly about, I most likely won't respond at all.

Number Four:

If you need help from me, just ask for it. This goes from needing a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a safe person to vent to, whatever. I will give advice if asked, I will cook you dinner or come clean your bathroom or watch your kids (Well-except YOURS, because she is frankly a pain in my ass) if you need to run to the grocery store to get a gallon of milk without toting them all over hell and back. I will listen to you rant about your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/dog. If I can't give you money for groceries, I will try to find someone who can or I will clean out my own cupboards to see if we can't scrape up enough to get you through. What I will NOT do is pretend that I agree with every decision you make, and if I see something that seems wonky, I will tell you. If you are ogling the guy next door through the open drapes while whacking off your husband, I might tell you that I support and love you no matter what decision you make but that it might be better for your marriage if you closed the curtains. What I am saying is this: I don't give a rat's ass what you do, who you do it with, or why; I don't care what strange little rituals you might have, or what your religious/spiritual/sexual beliefs are. If I see you doing something that may hurt you, I am going to tell you. If you see me doing something similar, please tell me. But don't expect me to get hints or read between the lines or follow you around asking if you are okay all of the time. I pretty much suck at that, and besides it isn't my job. Now, I am not talking about just blithely going on about my way and pretending that I haven't noticed if you haven't been yourself lately; I WILL ask. But unless you are someone I see or talk to on a daily basis, especially in blog land, it might take me a while to notice. So if you are feeling neglected, please tell me-in real life or otherwise.

I am a bitch; I know that. I can be really hard to get along with, and I have a very forceful personality. I tend to be self-centered and get caught up in my own life and goings on and don't pay as much attention, maybe, to everyone I should. I can also easily bowl you over with sheer stubbornness if I think I am right; we all, I think, have that tendency sometimes. But I can promise you that I usually get to the point where I can think it through, and if I am wrong, I really try hard to admit that. I can also promise that you will get from me honesty and loyalty and abiding friendship, even if you sometimes don't like what I have to say-because I love you that much. But I am done pussyfooting around my blog and my LIFE, filtering my thoughts and opinions and beliefs in order to please someone else. At the end of the day, the only person I get to crawl in bed with is me, and I better like myself well enough to stand that. If I keep on pushing my own self down, I am not going to have much respect for myself in the morning, am I?


Mr Lady said...

Okay, I stopped at two. I hope whoever took issue with you reads this.

Um, Kori had NOT ONE THING to do with the Christmas thing. She didn't even know it was happening until random boxes showed up at her door.

You have an issue with that? That she was given a gift? You are welcome to email ME. I did it, I did the whole thing. I had the help of a few angels, who then enlisted the help of a few more angels and so on.

Kori is my personal, real life friend, and I asked a few other of her personal, real life friends to help me try to lift a burden from her shoulders. The fact that it grew into an amazing outpouring of love and support from strangers is a testament to the good, kind, true and selfless people in the world.

I will not apologize for something that grew on its own, organically, for any reason. None of us had any idea what it would turn into, and we still don't. We didn't do it to keep score. We did it because we knew that a woman who would NEVER ask for help needed some. That's all.

Really, way to take a small beacon of light in someone's day and crush it. Shameful.

Unknown said...

Wow, wow, wow and more wow. Actually, I'm proud of you for standing up for what you feel, what you think and saying what you want to sensoring, no filtering, no 'sugar coating.' I'm sorry some people take issue with how you are...we are all different and as such we should respect that someone elses beliefs may not be the same as our own and go on. Love would be pretty boring if we all did and talked the same as everyone else, don't you think?!

Good for you honey...I stand behind you 100%....because I love you that much!

Matt Pfingsten said...

Dude, I gotta agree with Mr Lady on this one. Not sure who took issue with the Christmas thing, but the fact that someone would in the first place is extremely bothersome to me.

It WAS a cool thing, and I would imagine that those people who pitched in probably felt more fulfilled, at least for a minute, by being able to help out. And the fact that it DID morph into something bigger than the original intent should be looked at as inspirational and touching, not with resentment and envy.

Criticizing someone for having something nice happen to them is childish.

Amy said...

Oh my. I've just started reading you, as I am new around here. I enjoy your posts and you rants. Oh how i CAN relate to your posts and single momdom. hey im a single Mom as well, even if my boyfriend lives with me, in my opionion. I hope to get to know you more, and that it is never okay to appologise for your blogs. Whoever needs a dose of reality themselves to even say such things to you. I am very glad you re-posted today as yesterday i just shook my head thinking... why is she appologising. Your awesome

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Amen, Mr. Lady.

Kori, I love you and your toe-stompin ass kicking blog.

Julie said...

Good Lord! I'm bummed I didn't get to read the post you deleted and I'm sorry you felt it needed deletion.

Don't you just love douchebags who show up on YOUR blog and think they can tear you down and criticize and get all self-righteous? Ugh. Stay away, losers!

You should be able to write whatever the hell you want and do whatever the hell you want, and if someone doesn't agree, then they can close their eyes or go to another website! Crimony!

And, I'll take the "blame" right now for asking Kori to post a "donate" link so I, and any other willing and able soul, could SHARE our BLESSINGS in LOVE for an AMAZING woman and her BEAUTIFUL children who every now and again have been dealt a shitty hand in the finance department. If you're all pissed about it, then it just wasn't meant to be for me to stumble upon your blog one fateful day. :)

Enough ranting.

I know you're busy Kori, and you know I'm busy. As long as you're posting on your blog, I'm happy to know you're alive and I don't mind if you don't comment on my blog. Sometimes I think I need to comment on all your posts, but then I realize if I don't have anything to say, I shouldn't force anything or be insincere.

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling blessed and you got all settled in to the new place. As always, you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Love ya!

Julie@My5monkeys said...

I know its you and you don't sugar coat and I know that from another tell the truth and whether they follow you or have tough times. its not your problem. Hugs.I'm still your friend.

Anonymous said...

I just sent you an email telling you that you have every right to stand up for yourself and that you don't need to justify your friends (IRL) and friendernets helping you out. I think Mr. Lady addressed that point much better than I can.

Number One: Single and alone might be okay if the backup was fucking every day instead of fucking everyday backup. Just sayin'.

Number Two: Mr. Lady addressed this. The only other thing I have to say is, Really? Have we fallen so far that we are going to begrudge a blessing bestowed on a friend? I hope not.

Number Three: Tell it like it is. Tell it how you feel it. Tell it.

Number Four: You'd really come clean my bathroom? Gurl! Your ticket's in the mail!

Tara R. said...

There is a big difference between being bitchy and being honest. I personally don't find you bitchy at all. Considering what life has dealt you lately, I find you incredibly sane.

For what it's worth, I don't think you owe any apologies either.

Rock on sista friend!

Shiona said...

Man I am sorry you have to deal with this. How could they make you feel bad about Christmas gifts. Sounds like someone you may be better off with out but then I shouldn't continue the judging like this person. Your sentence about judging in the single mom world is right on. Sucks that this still happens.

Sending many hugs your way.

Kerrie said...

Honey, I'm so sorry that you feel you have to justify yourself on YOUR blog and that you needed to take down yesterday's post.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself though.

If there are some who have a problem with that then it's their problem. Why are they continuing to read then..?? They know waht to do and I hope the door hits their sorry arses on the way out.

I keep coming back because you post as you see your world, you don't sugar coat it like many other bloggers do. I admire the way you cope with adversity and the integrity with which you write.

Many (((((hugs))))) Honey...take care.

TnAHurst said...

I dont know who peed in your cheerios but I hope that you made them eat 'em:) Just a lil update mel is sleeping and everything is going as well as possible we are just tired and looking for stuff to do and can I know about the blog you deleted? I'm very curious as to what it said-Amber

FreedomFirst said...

I agree with Mr. Lady. You ever heard the song "Brighten the Corner Where You Are?" I would love to give presents to every single mom out there who's really working hard and the ends just aren't meeting. But I can't. I don't have that much money, and I don't really want to exchange addresses with everyone in cyberspace either.


justme said...

Kori - everyone should be lucky enough to have a friend that loves them enough to tell them how it is when that is what they need. *THAT* is a *TRUE* friend, my bloggy friend. I have one of those IRL (and the more I get to know you, the more and more you remind me of her, which tells me I think I would really like you IRL too) and she is one of a VERY short list of my *truly* valuable friends.

Good on you, girl. I hope you can move past this drama now and that this other person(s) can as well, and you can both get to spending your energy on more important things.

Martin said...

Thank you for your advice.

You grumpy bitch.

won said...

"So I am just going to go all out here and get it off my chest"
-That's why the blogline is "See Kori Rant." It's what we come here knowing we will read. Truth in advertising.

"I write about my life and my thoughts and the things going on in my life."
-See above.

"I am no different than every other single mom in the world who goes on dates and, yes, occasionally gets laid."
-Well, you are different. At least from this single mom. I never have a date and God knows I never get laid! Jealous? Yep. LOL

"I would have gladly passed on some of the things we received had I only known that you were also truly struggling in that area."
-Done!!! Last month, in my mailbox-a card from you, with three ten dollar bills stuck inside. Why? Cuz you knew I was struggling. I didn't lay it out verbatim in my blog (I don't think). I have a bit of pride that prohibits me from doing so. You were tuned in enough to hear what I was or wasn't saying. It was only after receiving your gift that I wrote and told you I'd been to the kitchen cupboards to make sure there was enough food to last the month. And now with your gift, it was a certainty.

And you know what? In better days, I sent a boy to the prom complete with a tux, a limo and tickets. Why? Cuz he was dying and his parents couldn't afford it. He died a few days later. And I did it cuz I could at the time. Just like you did this cuz you could at the time.

And so it's what makes the world go round.

Reminds me of the ole Harley tagline: "If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand."

Number Three? See Kori Rant. Again, it's why we keep coming back.

Number Four? We are all responsible for getting our own needs met. And the rant thing, again. Thank goodness for anyone offended there is an escape button. If only life were like that.

Rant on Kori, rant on! We understand.

Now, I'm done ranting on your rant pages.

Briya said...

I say way to go!

You don't have to apologize for having people that care for you enough to surprise you with gifts, or having opinions...shit. You don't have to apologize for anything!

And eff 'em if they don't like it.

Unknown said...

Well said, Kori. Since I am not familiar with the history to which you refer (Wow! That phrase I just wrote sounded pompous and I ain’t normally pompous), I can’t address specifics as others have.

However, I can recognize an excellent manifesto when I see one and your four points make an excellent manifesto! Very well done, my new friend!

April said...

I love you.

Anonymous said...

Oh, for chrissakes, Kori. . .it's unbelievable that you have to put up with this nonsense. And duh it's YOUR blog. It's gonna be about you--that's why we read it? Hello? The person should take a Midol and leave the building.

Anonymous said...

Everyone who already left a comment said a little of what I was going to say.
So I'm left with hoping for you that this person or people will leave drama somewhere else.

It is YOUR blog & don't let them win by deleting YOUR rants.

I could have just said I love you!
and your blog.