Clarification

I apologize for the confusion; the trial is set for next Wednesday, not today. The 8th and the 9th, actually, and hopefully that will be it. I guess I will know more specifics after out meeting on Friday with the PA. Gosh, I HOPE I will know more by then! You remember, the 8th. Eli's birthday. Isn't it terrible that first we had the preliminary hearing on Hannah's birthday, and now the trial is set to start on Eli's? I tell you, sometimes you just gotta shake your head and laugh, even when it isn't particularly funny.

We are holding on. Hannah had a bit of bad news (as if she needed more, right?) on Monday in that her dad told her he wasn't going to come down (even though he has been telling her since January that he would....), and now isn't answering her phone calls or returning her messages. So she was very teary and sad last night, and also confused and hurt. We do have a few other people who are going to be there, though, so at least she will be able to look up and see some friendly faces. I am not sure that we actually get to be in the courtroom until we are called as witnesses, but again, I will find out more on Friday.

So far so good. I followed my own advice last night and had a quiet evening reading (of course) after the kids were in bed. I am currently reading a book about the Dalai Lama, which seems almost cosmically put in front of me when I might need something to help me center myself. This morning, I got up a few minutes early so that I could have some absolute alone time before any of the kids got up, where I could sit and cup my warm coffee in my cold hands and pray. Read my daily meditations. Pray. Listen. I don't know yet if the Big Guy is listening, but I know that for me, this is what I am supposed to do, and I feel better. Maybe that IS the answer.

Tonight? More of the same. We are having what we call Fry Night at our house, with fish for Steve and I, chicken for the kids, and we usually do some zucchini and broccoli and, when they aren't $1.79 each, red and yellow peppers. Mushrooms too sometimes, that is until Hannah learned that they are basically fungi grown in piles of shit. For some reason that bothers her, though I don't know why (tongue in cheek there). I think maybe some brownies are in order, too. Not because any of it-the food itself-matters, but because we can be together making and eating fun food and thereby be somewhat distracted.

Just-breathing, and it seems to be enough for the moment.