Because I really need a computer at home. We HAD one, but it was so old that it would lock up every time I logged in to my email, and blogging or anything like that was out of the question. And you can just forget looking at porn; I mean, damn, those photos would just take too long to download (only teasing about the porn, guys, don't go all freako on me, okay?)! So I heard he sometimes donates computers to low-income schools and stuff, and though I am not a school (worldly experiences aside), I am needy. And I have school-aged children who could also benefit. So if any of you rub shoulders with him, could you send him my way? Do a little name dropping and hinting and downright asking on my behalf?
I have a couple of little vacation observations to share with you guys today. I still haven't been able to get the photos off my camera (see above), so you will still have to wait for those, but here are a couple of things I noticed or had questions about. Often both.
1. While on the Argosy Harbor Tour, I observed a couple who were obviously wildly in love. Okay, they really just acted like they couldn't wait to fuck each other's brains out. She was older, considerably, wearing a red halter top and short shorts (can you say eeeew?), and I would eat my hat if between the two of them they had a full head of teeth. My theory is that they met online and this was their first meeting. ANYWAY: the question is this: why would a person spend good $$ on this lovely boat tour of the harbor and then spend the entire trip making out and not even looking at anything? Surely there are more private and much less expensive venues if public fingerbanging is your style? For Pete's sake, the fucking Blue Angels were flying overhead in perfect formation, but they totally missed it. And this woman would not have looked good in a halter top even if she was 20 years younger. What a waste of money. I don't have a photo of this, and I am perhaps exaggerating slightly (but only just), but still...
2. In Pendleton, there is a lovely, well-built mortuary. The building is beautiful, with columns on either side of the porch, and the lawns are stunning; the flowers were in full bloom, no weeds, and the grass was exquisite. For a brief moment, I imagined myself being embalmed there and then trucked back to the sticks to be buried-people who have such obvious pride in their property would quite logically take good care of the recently deceased, and it would be a lovely place to hold a viewing. However, the whole effect was marred by the Big.Neon.Sign. advertising their services. It was something along the lines of Sweet Home Alabama mixed with Boogie Nights. Huge, gaudy, on a tall green pole. Yikes. What were they thinking?
3. I try to expose the kids to all sorts of different cultures and lifestyles in order to brainwash them into the same level of tolerance I have. Seattle is a great place for this. We saw SO many different races and cultural clothing (Sam, has been using his blanket as a turban because he saw a man wearing one and thought it was cool) that I think there was a bit of sensory overload. The second day at Pike Place Market, there was an Indian wedding party; the couple was very traditionally dressed, complete with the caste marks, and I cannot describe how beautiful they looked. Son was low in the sky, and both the bride and groom were wearing shimmery, gold clothing...stunning. We also say a gay couple holding hands at the zoo, one white and one black. I love the fact that the kids had the opportunity to see "different" people living normal, everyday lives just like we do. It is easy in such a small, very religious area to get the idea that anyone different is BAD, and I loved watching the kids take it all in.
4. This is not a new one by any means, but why oh why are there half a million people on the freeways there, the majority of whom are driving alone? Why, when there is a carpool lane for those who have two passengers; a carpool lane that while not the Something Speedway moves far more rapidly? Is it not possible that four or even five people in the 5 lanes of freeway might possibly work close enough to the same place that they could, gasp, ride share? There is also an excellent Public Transportation system. This just drove me up the freaking wall. All of the cars stuck in traffic for two hours, driving alone. What a bunch of fucknuts, really.]
5. There used to be automatic toilets all along the waterfront, because most places no longer provide restrooms for the general public. You would put in your quarter, the door would open and the light would come on, and then you had like three minutes to pee and wash (if you were doing anything more, um, involved, it wasn't a good place to go). Those restrooms are still THERE, but are padlocked tightly-because people would go in and mainline heroin and leave the needles and blood-soaked cotton pads inside. Nice. We found one public restroom on the Waterfront, where the carousel is, and you had to have the code to get in. I was seriously considering getting a package of Depends to wear around, because after 4 kids, my bladder isn't what it used to be. It makes me mad; there are places in Seattle to exchange dirty needles for clean ones-why is it so difficult to carry that little thing up 10 blocks instead of throwing it on the floor? Dudes: you're junkies-what ELSE have you got to do?
So many more, so little time. I am afraid you will all be inundated with little tidbits like this for some time to come. I have another post in mind for tomorrow, though, and this would be cool if you all would do it, too. Go check out Amanda's post today; it is so neat, and a great idea, and I am totally stealing it from her.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
100th Post-100 Things
1. I have the very slightest case of OCD. I check my alarm clock at least half a dozen times, making sure that it is both set for the right time AND turned on. Even though I have been getting up at the same time for years now and have never actually changed the time the alarm is set for.
2.I have very bad teeth. Not as in, "Oh my God, please don't smile at me!" teeth, but all of my molars are filled and I am constantly having problems with chips and cracks. I blame this directly on my mom and our very horrible eating environment as a child; it was literally feast or famine.
3.In relation to the above, there was a period of time when my older sister and I used to sneak into the neighbors houses and steal food.
4.And consequently I have struggled with food and weight issues since I was in First Grade.
5. Also in relation to the above, I count it a success that even after having a baby two years ago, I still weigh the same as I did 9 years ago. Even though I am still 30 lbs. overweight.
6. Of the four kids I have, only one was planned. It goes Birth Control, Birth Control, Fertility Drugs, Birth Control. This is why I keep offering to be a surrogate for XBox.
7. I also had a baby in between Eli and Sam. I chose adoption for him. He was another Birth Control Baby.
8. I tried to get my tubes tied after Sam but could not find a doc who would do it. I was too young. 7 years later, welcome Owen!
9. I have been married twice-once at 19 and the other at whatever age I was; I was drunk at the time.
10. But I have only been "in love" with one person. Still am.
11. And it was neither of my husbands.
12. I cannot stand women who dress like hootch's and are surprised when men ogle them.
13. I also cannot stand men who feel it is okay to ogle women regardless of what they are wearing.
14. I was registered pre-med when I registered for college back in the Stone Age.
15. I did not, in fact, attend said college.
16. I drank a lot instead.
17. Which led me to my first marriage, which I thought would save me.
18. And instead lasted 1.5 years and landed me with an 8 month old baby and another one on the way.
19. I get along with ex #1 quite well for the most part.
20. But he is inordinately interested in my life and what I do, even asking Hannah if I still drink my coffee black. It has been 15 years. And I never drank coffee when I was married to him.
21. I do not like his wife. Not because I am in competition with her, not because of any REAL reason, just because she is a fucking cunt to me and has decided that she would be a much better mother to my kids than I am. She called me a slut because I had Owen outside of wedlock and told me that was why Hannah was turning into such trash. Even though Hannah had been living with them for the entire year prior.
22. But I do honestly wish them well, and am glad to see that he has found someone who makes him happy. I haven't wished him ill for a very, very long time.
23. I DO still wish ill on ex #2.
24. But I no longer desire to burn down his house with him in it.
25. But then again, I don't know where he lives, either. Not that I have thought of it or bought the gas cans, of course.
26. I had a horse when I was a kid called "Ug," which was short for "Ugly."
27. She wasn't ugly; she was a Curly Haired Appaloosa who was gorgeous, just a little temperamental. I got bucked off regularly. My sister with the "gentle, pretty" Arabian Quarterhorse Mix fell off and broke her wrist, but I never got hurt getting bucked off of Ug.
28. I was a petty child and enjoyed rubbing that in.
29. Said horse gave me lice more than once because I spent all of my time with her.
30. Mom made us sell the horses when my stepfather embezzled money from the bank in which he worked and had to make restitution and resign in order to avoid prosecution.
31. I have killed more pet fish than I can count.
32. I was on the debate team in Jr. High.
33. I was the Features Editor for my High School newspaper my senior year.
34. I was also voted Class Clown my senior year.
35. I was also a virgin until my senior year.
36. I discovered the real appeal of alcohol my senior year.
37. I had an emergency appendectomy my senior year.
38. I had to take a French exam while still in hospital from said appendectomy. It was a once-a-year opportunity where two kids from each foreign language class were chosen to take the exam, and if you did well you could get a scholarship to go to a summer college session in that country.
39. I did well on the test, in spite of (or because of) the morphine drip. Which I really enjoyed.
40. I got the scholarship and spent six weeks in France the summer after I graduated.
41. I fell in love with France.
42. And pain au chocolate, which is basically a croissant filled with chocolate. Damn.
43. I will still eat bread and cheese for breakfast if given the opportunity. They do that there.
44. Speaking of bread, when I was pregnant with Owen I craved bread. I would drive to the next town over for a specific kind of bread.
45. One time I got there and they were out; the clerk felt so sorry for me (I was actually in tears, I wanted it so bad) that she went into the back and got me a frozen loaf and instructions on how to bake it at home.
46. I still love bread of almost any kind. Except the Rosemary Olive Oil kind they make at Costco, it smells like dirty feet.
47. But I love Feta cheese, which ALSO smells like dirty feet.
48. My left boob is bigger than my right.
49. I was left handed until Kindergarten where I was forced to write with my right hand.
50. I "became" ambidextrous in self defense.
51. Consequently, I have a difficult time with giving directions; I will still often confuse left with right and have to hold my hands out in front of me to do the L sign with my left hand.
52. I have only in the last year learned how to read a map.
53. I love naps; I like to get up at my work-week time on weekends and get my chores all done just so I can take a nap when the baby does.
54. I hate to sweep the floor. I don't mind mopping, but I hate to sweep. I make the kids do it.
55. I also hate laundry; it gets washed and dried, but rarely folded and put away. Unless the kids do it.
56. I hate my house. I hated it before CSG because it is so small, but now I hate it even more.
57. I love dogs. I enjoy cats, too, but dogs are it for me.
58. But: I hate small yapping lap dogs that look like rats.
59. I had a friend whom would never come "out," but he owned a poodle whose nails and hair he had done, and his kitchen was purple.
60. I dated said friend for a little while and could never quite figure out why he didn't want to nail me until my very openly gay hairdresser said, "Honey, he just wants to be your girlfriend!"
61. I have always loved the violin and want to learn how to play. I am giving myself violin lessons for my 40th birthday.
63. I am a terrible klutz. I fell off my chair on the first day of this job. And I do stuff like that All.The.Time.
64. I use humor and sarcasm to mask fear and insecurity.
65. I am also genuinely funny, though.
66. And I like to use sarcasm with people who aren't aware of it.
67. I do not and have no plans to own a cell phone.
68. But wish I had a computer and the Internet at home.
69. I can read a book in one night, and often do.
70. I would rather read than almost anything.
71. When I was in Seattle I spent one entire morning watching ER reruns; 4 or 5. C. and D. have the thing where you can record them and skip the commercials, so I actually enjoyed that.
72. I used to hate SpongeBob Squarepants so badly that I would ban it from the house and not let Sam watch it it daycare. But now I am actually growing a little fond of the spongy yellow bastard, and it scares me.
73. I am afraid of the high dive at pools. I can climb up okay, but I get to the end and freeze. The only reason I EVER jump off is because the prospect of going back down the ladder ALSO scares me, but I know I have to get down somehow. The only reason I ever go UP one is because the kids want me to.
74. I would take a bullet for any one of my kids.
75. But I never really thought I would HAVE four kids.
76. I often worry that I am not a very good mom and am ill equipped to be a parent.
77. I work on this every single day.
78. I think my daughter is one of the most beautiful young women in the world.
79. I also think she is very strong and brave and more convinced of her own self-worth than I ever was at her age. Or any age.
80. I am glad I had a daughter, but am also glad I only had ONE. I am a better mom to boys than girls.
81. I was not happy about being "forced" to get sober. My ex-husband went through rehab (he was obviously not my ex at the time) and told me he wouldn't be with me if I still drank.
82. I did not have a drinking problem. Everyone I knew drove drunk, fucked people they picked up in bars, stole and lied and cheated and basically lived the lowest life imaginable. Since these people were my friends, and THEY didn't have a problem, neither did I.
83. I did have a problem. A big one. And AA started to make sense to me.
84. If I manage to not drink one day at a time between now and then, I will have 9 years of continuous sobriety on November 24th.
85. I am still sick, though, and have much personal progress to make. As they say in AA, alcohol itself isn't the problem, I am the problem.
86. I have been in only 22 of the 50 states.
87. I have no desire to ever go to Texas or New Hampshire.
88. I love to drive; the vacation was perfect for that, because I love to be in the car listening to the radio and talking to my kids and looking at the world go by.
89. I once spent most of a winter working at a Cross Country Ski Resort in Montana. I learned how to cross country ski, and took two backwoods tours of Glacier National Park. Although I had lived in snowy areas most of my life, that was the first time I really appreciated the stark beauty of winter.
90. I am very rarely too hot.
91. One of my favorite things to do is be in the water. I love to take the kids to the river and spend the day basking and baking.
92. I believe in God with all of my heart. I don't "do" a whole lot of church stuff, I sometimes get mad at and rarely understand God, but He is just as real to me as my legs are.
93. If I didn't believe in God, I don't think I would find a good enough reason to stay sober, or even get out of bed in the mornings.
94. I DON'T care whether anyone else believes in God or not, and I have a hard time with those Christians who refuse to expand their thinking beyond the Bible. There is a whole other world out there, and I just think we are not doing a very good job of loving people the way we are supposed to.
95. I bought three souvenirs for myself in Seattle: two colored-pencil sketches of the market, and my personal favorite, an air freshener that says on one side,"You say tomato, I say fuck you." and on the other, "It's just semantics."
96. I love my blog and am so grateful that my second best friend in the world even though I don't know her IRL April convinced me to keep at it when I was just beginning. (btw, April has a 200th Post up today as well! It is a good one-check it out!)
97. I am not where I thought I would be at 36 years old, but I am happy about where I am.
98. I have no expectations for the future, but all of the hope and faith in the world that there are good things in store for me and mine.
99. I am really grateful that I don't have to scrape pigeon shit off of awnings for a job, or be a garbage man, or have to work at McDonald's. I love my job, and I am good at it.
100. My eyes and my boobs are my best features, beyond my charming wit and acerbic humor.
And there you have it, folks. My 100th post, with 100 things about me. Probably more than you wanted to know in some cases, and less in others. Thanks to all of you who have been hanging around for awhile now, and thanks to those who are there but don't comment, and thanks for those who are visiting. You have all become a very real part of my life, and I am grateful.
2.I have very bad teeth. Not as in, "Oh my God, please don't smile at me!" teeth, but all of my molars are filled and I am constantly having problems with chips and cracks. I blame this directly on my mom and our very horrible eating environment as a child; it was literally feast or famine.
3.In relation to the above, there was a period of time when my older sister and I used to sneak into the neighbors houses and steal food.
4.And consequently I have struggled with food and weight issues since I was in First Grade.
5. Also in relation to the above, I count it a success that even after having a baby two years ago, I still weigh the same as I did 9 years ago. Even though I am still 30 lbs. overweight.
6. Of the four kids I have, only one was planned. It goes Birth Control, Birth Control, Fertility Drugs, Birth Control. This is why I keep offering to be a surrogate for XBox.
7. I also had a baby in between Eli and Sam. I chose adoption for him. He was another Birth Control Baby.
8. I tried to get my tubes tied after Sam but could not find a doc who would do it. I was too young. 7 years later, welcome Owen!
9. I have been married twice-once at 19 and the other at whatever age I was; I was drunk at the time.
10. But I have only been "in love" with one person. Still am.
11. And it was neither of my husbands.
12. I cannot stand women who dress like hootch's and are surprised when men ogle them.
13. I also cannot stand men who feel it is okay to ogle women regardless of what they are wearing.
14. I was registered pre-med when I registered for college back in the Stone Age.
15. I did not, in fact, attend said college.
16. I drank a lot instead.
17. Which led me to my first marriage, which I thought would save me.
18. And instead lasted 1.5 years and landed me with an 8 month old baby and another one on the way.
19. I get along with ex #1 quite well for the most part.
20. But he is inordinately interested in my life and what I do, even asking Hannah if I still drink my coffee black. It has been 15 years. And I never drank coffee when I was married to him.
21. I do not like his wife. Not because I am in competition with her, not because of any REAL reason, just because she is a fucking cunt to me and has decided that she would be a much better mother to my kids than I am. She called me a slut because I had Owen outside of wedlock and told me that was why Hannah was turning into such trash. Even though Hannah had been living with them for the entire year prior.
22. But I do honestly wish them well, and am glad to see that he has found someone who makes him happy. I haven't wished him ill for a very, very long time.
23. I DO still wish ill on ex #2.
24. But I no longer desire to burn down his house with him in it.
25. But then again, I don't know where he lives, either. Not that I have thought of it or bought the gas cans, of course.
26. I had a horse when I was a kid called "Ug," which was short for "Ugly."
27. She wasn't ugly; she was a Curly Haired Appaloosa who was gorgeous, just a little temperamental. I got bucked off regularly. My sister with the "gentle, pretty" Arabian Quarterhorse Mix fell off and broke her wrist, but I never got hurt getting bucked off of Ug.
28. I was a petty child and enjoyed rubbing that in.
29. Said horse gave me lice more than once because I spent all of my time with her.
30. Mom made us sell the horses when my stepfather embezzled money from the bank in which he worked and had to make restitution and resign in order to avoid prosecution.
31. I have killed more pet fish than I can count.
32. I was on the debate team in Jr. High.
33. I was the Features Editor for my High School newspaper my senior year.
34. I was also voted Class Clown my senior year.
35. I was also a virgin until my senior year.
36. I discovered the real appeal of alcohol my senior year.
37. I had an emergency appendectomy my senior year.
38. I had to take a French exam while still in hospital from said appendectomy. It was a once-a-year opportunity where two kids from each foreign language class were chosen to take the exam, and if you did well you could get a scholarship to go to a summer college session in that country.
39. I did well on the test, in spite of (or because of) the morphine drip. Which I really enjoyed.
40. I got the scholarship and spent six weeks in France the summer after I graduated.
41. I fell in love with France.
42. And pain au chocolate, which is basically a croissant filled with chocolate. Damn.
43. I will still eat bread and cheese for breakfast if given the opportunity. They do that there.
44. Speaking of bread, when I was pregnant with Owen I craved bread. I would drive to the next town over for a specific kind of bread.
45. One time I got there and they were out; the clerk felt so sorry for me (I was actually in tears, I wanted it so bad) that she went into the back and got me a frozen loaf and instructions on how to bake it at home.
46. I still love bread of almost any kind. Except the Rosemary Olive Oil kind they make at Costco, it smells like dirty feet.
47. But I love Feta cheese, which ALSO smells like dirty feet.
48. My left boob is bigger than my right.
49. I was left handed until Kindergarten where I was forced to write with my right hand.
50. I "became" ambidextrous in self defense.
51. Consequently, I have a difficult time with giving directions; I will still often confuse left with right and have to hold my hands out in front of me to do the L sign with my left hand.
52. I have only in the last year learned how to read a map.
53. I love naps; I like to get up at my work-week time on weekends and get my chores all done just so I can take a nap when the baby does.
54. I hate to sweep the floor. I don't mind mopping, but I hate to sweep. I make the kids do it.
55. I also hate laundry; it gets washed and dried, but rarely folded and put away. Unless the kids do it.
56. I hate my house. I hated it before CSG because it is so small, but now I hate it even more.
57. I love dogs. I enjoy cats, too, but dogs are it for me.
58. But: I hate small yapping lap dogs that look like rats.
59. I had a friend whom would never come "out," but he owned a poodle whose nails and hair he had done, and his kitchen was purple.
60. I dated said friend for a little while and could never quite figure out why he didn't want to nail me until my very openly gay hairdresser said, "Honey, he just wants to be your girlfriend!"
61. I have always loved the violin and want to learn how to play. I am giving myself violin lessons for my 40th birthday.
63. I am a terrible klutz. I fell off my chair on the first day of this job. And I do stuff like that All.The.Time.
64. I use humor and sarcasm to mask fear and insecurity.
65. I am also genuinely funny, though.
66. And I like to use sarcasm with people who aren't aware of it.
67. I do not and have no plans to own a cell phone.
68. But wish I had a computer and the Internet at home.
69. I can read a book in one night, and often do.
70. I would rather read than almost anything.
71. When I was in Seattle I spent one entire morning watching ER reruns; 4 or 5. C. and D. have the thing where you can record them and skip the commercials, so I actually enjoyed that.
72. I used to hate SpongeBob Squarepants so badly that I would ban it from the house and not let Sam watch it it daycare. But now I am actually growing a little fond of the spongy yellow bastard, and it scares me.
73. I am afraid of the high dive at pools. I can climb up okay, but I get to the end and freeze. The only reason I EVER jump off is because the prospect of going back down the ladder ALSO scares me, but I know I have to get down somehow. The only reason I ever go UP one is because the kids want me to.
74. I would take a bullet for any one of my kids.
75. But I never really thought I would HAVE four kids.
76. I often worry that I am not a very good mom and am ill equipped to be a parent.
77. I work on this every single day.
78. I think my daughter is one of the most beautiful young women in the world.
79. I also think she is very strong and brave and more convinced of her own self-worth than I ever was at her age. Or any age.
80. I am glad I had a daughter, but am also glad I only had ONE. I am a better mom to boys than girls.
81. I was not happy about being "forced" to get sober. My ex-husband went through rehab (he was obviously not my ex at the time) and told me he wouldn't be with me if I still drank.
82. I did not have a drinking problem. Everyone I knew drove drunk, fucked people they picked up in bars, stole and lied and cheated and basically lived the lowest life imaginable. Since these people were my friends, and THEY didn't have a problem, neither did I.
83. I did have a problem. A big one. And AA started to make sense to me.
84. If I manage to not drink one day at a time between now and then, I will have 9 years of continuous sobriety on November 24th.
85. I am still sick, though, and have much personal progress to make. As they say in AA, alcohol itself isn't the problem, I am the problem.
86. I have been in only 22 of the 50 states.
87. I have no desire to ever go to Texas or New Hampshire.
88. I love to drive; the vacation was perfect for that, because I love to be in the car listening to the radio and talking to my kids and looking at the world go by.
89. I once spent most of a winter working at a Cross Country Ski Resort in Montana. I learned how to cross country ski, and took two backwoods tours of Glacier National Park. Although I had lived in snowy areas most of my life, that was the first time I really appreciated the stark beauty of winter.
90. I am very rarely too hot.
91. One of my favorite things to do is be in the water. I love to take the kids to the river and spend the day basking and baking.
92. I believe in God with all of my heart. I don't "do" a whole lot of church stuff, I sometimes get mad at and rarely understand God, but He is just as real to me as my legs are.
93. If I didn't believe in God, I don't think I would find a good enough reason to stay sober, or even get out of bed in the mornings.
94. I DON'T care whether anyone else believes in God or not, and I have a hard time with those Christians who refuse to expand their thinking beyond the Bible. There is a whole other world out there, and I just think we are not doing a very good job of loving people the way we are supposed to.
95. I bought three souvenirs for myself in Seattle: two colored-pencil sketches of the market, and my personal favorite, an air freshener that says on one side,"You say tomato, I say fuck you." and on the other, "It's just semantics."
96. I love my blog and am so grateful that my second best friend in the world even though I don't know her IRL April convinced me to keep at it when I was just beginning. (btw, April has a 200th Post up today as well! It is a good one-check it out!)
97. I am not where I thought I would be at 36 years old, but I am happy about where I am.
98. I have no expectations for the future, but all of the hope and faith in the world that there are good things in store for me and mine.
99. I am really grateful that I don't have to scrape pigeon shit off of awnings for a job, or be a garbage man, or have to work at McDonald's. I love my job, and I am good at it.
100. My eyes and my boobs are my best features, beyond my charming wit and acerbic humor.
And there you have it, folks. My 100th post, with 100 things about me. Probably more than you wanted to know in some cases, and less in others. Thanks to all of you who have been hanging around for awhile now, and thanks to those who are there but don't comment, and thanks for those who are visiting. You have all become a very real part of my life, and I am grateful.
Criminals on the Loose
We have a murderer on the loose here in my small town. Apparently very early Sunday morning, there was a home invasion and a 25 year old man was beaten to death with either a baseball bat or a large flashlight. He was life-flighted to Boise but died in the helicopter on the way there. His wife was also beaten, though the extent of her injuries are not known or rather are not being released. At this point in the investigation, there is no obvious connection between the victims and the murderer.
This is very unsettling to me on SO many different levels. The first part of it has to do with our own ongoing issues with CSG; the basic description of the murderer and CSG is eerily similar, and while I am well aware that the description could also fit 100 other people I know, it is still bothersome. There are also a few details about this which ring too close to home for my taste-home invasion, no connection that the police are aware of (in this area, that usually means that there is no DRUG connection), in fact one of the investigators said something like "There is no reason to think that the victims knew their attacker at this point, but that he may have known them." Doesn't THAT sounds freakishly similar to a stalker? Not necessarily MY stalker, mind you, but a stalker in general? So there are enough similarities to make me feel even more unsettled about what occured at my home last month. I don't honestly think it is the same person-because if it were, he would certainly not have let my daughter's sudden entrance into the house deter him. Still... Paranoid? Sure. I will freely admit that. Too many odd things have happened (including the fact that on Sunday morning someone came into our yard and stole my dogs, as well as opened a Snapfish envelope that was in my mailbox; thank God that Snapfish actually made a mistake and sent the ads and filler stuff with no photos in it-which has never happened before. I got the photos yesterday) for me to be anything else. The detective told me yesterday morning that they have a pretty good idea of who it is now-he took six photos over to Hannah yesterday to look at, and that is a GOOD thing. It isn't going to bring my dogs back, which pisses me off-we were starting to feel a little more secure now that Mama was able to be loose and unmuzzled in the yard, and Eli is going to be so, so sad when he gets home to find his puppy gone.
My feelings of fear and disquiet are heightened by our own situation, which I think is normal and reasonable. However, this is a very frightening thing in the larger sense as well. While of course we have crime here, as any town does, we don't have murders as a rule. I think the last murder we had was just over 2 years ago, where a teenage boy killed his dad. He was considered a suspect immediately and was arrested a couple of days later. In this case, the guy is still at large and they don't yet know who he is-that is scary to me. I am not naive and blissfully walking through life unaware that bad shit happens every single day-but at the same time, this is not something you expect to have happen. In one moment, two lives are irrevocably altered-one very young man dead, and his wife will forever be changed by this, by the actions of one terrible, person.
My house, my town, no longer feel safe to me. Last night as I was driving back from Jacquie's (the kids have been going over there on Monday nights so I can go to my AA meeting at least once a week), there were two lovely young women walking along a bike path with their dog. It was almost dark, the stars just beginning to appear in earnest, a beautiful evening for a walk. Instead of thinking "oh, how nice!" I was inwardly cursing those women-do they not KNOW how young and beautiful and vulnerable they are? The bike path is beautiful-shade trees, it runs right along the canal, it is quite and private...and those are all three reasons why it wouldn't be safe after dark. I understand, though-they ARE young, their lives so far untouched by crime and fear, and they are invincible in their minds. I was like that-my daughter was like that. I am sure the dead 25 year old man was like that, and his wife. We all walk through life, I think, believing that nothing can touch us. Even as adults, when we know better, we carry that around. Until something happens to change that, to take it away.
And once he is caught, both our CSG and the murderer, things will settle down. Hannah and I will eventually be okay, although we both may need to go to come counseling. We will be able to sleep at night again, and maybe leave the front door open when we are sitting in the living room. However, I don't think either of us are going to take our safety for granted anymore. I don't think either of us are going to be foolish about our safety and security, and I think we are both going to be more aware of things that are going on around us. and while it sucks to learn this the hard way, I don't think that it is a BAD thing. I think that we DO need to be more aware. And while we can't prevent bad, random things from happening, while we can't live our lives in fear, we CAN take reasonable precautions to make it less likely to become victims.
Keep your fingers crossed.
This is very unsettling to me on SO many different levels. The first part of it has to do with our own ongoing issues with CSG; the basic description of the murderer and CSG is eerily similar, and while I am well aware that the description could also fit 100 other people I know, it is still bothersome. There are also a few details about this which ring too close to home for my taste-home invasion, no connection that the police are aware of (in this area, that usually means that there is no DRUG connection), in fact one of the investigators said something like "There is no reason to think that the victims knew their attacker at this point, but that he may have known them." Doesn't THAT sounds freakishly similar to a stalker? Not necessarily MY stalker, mind you, but a stalker in general? So there are enough similarities to make me feel even more unsettled about what occured at my home last month. I don't honestly think it is the same person-because if it were, he would certainly not have let my daughter's sudden entrance into the house deter him. Still... Paranoid? Sure. I will freely admit that. Too many odd things have happened (including the fact that on Sunday morning someone came into our yard and stole my dogs, as well as opened a Snapfish envelope that was in my mailbox; thank God that Snapfish actually made a mistake and sent the ads and filler stuff with no photos in it-which has never happened before. I got the photos yesterday) for me to be anything else. The detective told me yesterday morning that they have a pretty good idea of who it is now-he took six photos over to Hannah yesterday to look at, and that is a GOOD thing. It isn't going to bring my dogs back, which pisses me off-we were starting to feel a little more secure now that Mama was able to be loose and unmuzzled in the yard, and Eli is going to be so, so sad when he gets home to find his puppy gone.
My feelings of fear and disquiet are heightened by our own situation, which I think is normal and reasonable. However, this is a very frightening thing in the larger sense as well. While of course we have crime here, as any town does, we don't have murders as a rule. I think the last murder we had was just over 2 years ago, where a teenage boy killed his dad. He was considered a suspect immediately and was arrested a couple of days later. In this case, the guy is still at large and they don't yet know who he is-that is scary to me. I am not naive and blissfully walking through life unaware that bad shit happens every single day-but at the same time, this is not something you expect to have happen. In one moment, two lives are irrevocably altered-one very young man dead, and his wife will forever be changed by this, by the actions of one terrible, person.
My house, my town, no longer feel safe to me. Last night as I was driving back from Jacquie's (the kids have been going over there on Monday nights so I can go to my AA meeting at least once a week), there were two lovely young women walking along a bike path with their dog. It was almost dark, the stars just beginning to appear in earnest, a beautiful evening for a walk. Instead of thinking "oh, how nice!" I was inwardly cursing those women-do they not KNOW how young and beautiful and vulnerable they are? The bike path is beautiful-shade trees, it runs right along the canal, it is quite and private...and those are all three reasons why it wouldn't be safe after dark. I understand, though-they ARE young, their lives so far untouched by crime and fear, and they are invincible in their minds. I was like that-my daughter was like that. I am sure the dead 25 year old man was like that, and his wife. We all walk through life, I think, believing that nothing can touch us. Even as adults, when we know better, we carry that around. Until something happens to change that, to take it away.
And once he is caught, both our CSG and the murderer, things will settle down. Hannah and I will eventually be okay, although we both may need to go to come counseling. We will be able to sleep at night again, and maybe leave the front door open when we are sitting in the living room. However, I don't think either of us are going to take our safety for granted anymore. I don't think either of us are going to be foolish about our safety and security, and I think we are both going to be more aware of things that are going on around us. and while it sucks to learn this the hard way, I don't think that it is a BAD thing. I think that we DO need to be more aware. And while we can't prevent bad, random things from happening, while we can't live our lives in fear, we CAN take reasonable precautions to make it less likely to become victims.
*****In the process of writing this, the detective came over to the office to ask if he could go show Hannah one more batch of photos. He went yesterday and she picked out a strong possibility, but wasn't at all sure. So he took six more pictures today (they are at Jacquie's today) and Hannah called me freaking out and crying. She said that she was looking at the photos and saw one and had a total flashback to that night, and started shaking and sobbing; the detective had her initial the photo and said he needed it for court-let's hope to God that means he is going to try to get a warrant and arrest him. When he was in the office this morning, my first words were," Have you caught him?" and he replied rather jauntily,"I think we might!" He asked me some odd questions that led me to believe they really MIGHT have him, and while I tend to be reluctant in trusting law enforcement in general, I have to believe that they can do this. It is all I have, trust and faith that they do know what they are doing, and that we are going to be okay. Hannah said something that made me laugh, too: "Det. M said that they aren't going to let him touch us, and that if he is the first one to see him he is going to kick his ass." She whispered "ass," and the whole thing made me laugh.*****
Keep your fingers crossed.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig
I am officially back from vacation. I walked into a mess here at the office, we are having more CSG issues at home, but even so, I am glad to be home. That said, I will also say that the vacation was just as good as I had hoped it would be. Even better, in fact. We are all tired, of course, and I could really use another vacation in which to convalesce from this vacation, but it is a good kind of tired. The kind that comes from having been busy nearly every single day of the trip, doing all that we wanted to do and trying to get it all in.
I have a ton of photos, of course, beginning from our very first stop at a rest area just outside of Boise. Eli and Sam were messing around and Eli threw his shoe, and it landed on the top of one of the picnic shelters. I have a great photo of him clambering up on the roof and holding his shoe up for the camera sheepishly, and I just had to laugh. Refined we are definitely NOT (I had to lecture the kids:"you do not burp at C. and D.'s table, even if you say excuse me."), but fun? You bet your ass. Anyway, since I do this all at work, you will have to wait for the photos, but believe me, I have some good ones to share.
All of the kids made a favorable impression, I think, which helps. For the most part they were amazingly well behaved and got along pretty good, which made it easier and more enjoyable for me as well. We did all the touristy things, and enjoyed every minute of it. On the first day, we ate lunch at the Seattle Center (I gave in and took Sam and Eli up in the Space Needle, which was quite a sacrifice in terms of finance AND mental health-I HATE being up that high) and turned around to see Sam chumming it up with some lady who was painting pictures and selling them. Next thing I knew, Sam was sitting down at her easel with a brush in hand; I got a couple of shots of that, and then when he left, this woman gave him a hug. Later, after splashing around in the kick-ass fountain they have there, we headed out and Sam saw a guy playing his guitar on the corner. He (Sam) had 37 cents in his pocket so threw it into the guitar case. C. and I were chatting and walking along and heard Sam holler at us: "Look!" He was next to the guy with his guitar around his neck. The guy helped Sam sing a couple of songs (namely Jesus Loves Me) and then made up an entire song about him, Sam. And then hugged him and gave him his guitar pick. How cool is that?
And Hannah and Eli both really enjoyed the Pike Place Market; C. and I let the three big kids go off on their own, with instructions about where to meet and when, and I think that was really neat for them. The boys (Eli and CJ) spent most of their time in the magic shop (and actually went back in the next day and let off one of their fart bombs, IN the magic shop, and had to take off running. Nice. I was proud.), while Hannah window shopped; she had souvenir money but never spent a dime of it, which made me chuckle. Cheap like her Mama, I guess. Sam totally ditched ME, asking instead if he and C, could go off on their own because Owen and I were too slow, which ALSO made me laugh.
So much more to write about! But I want to get in a couple of other things. Sorry about the non-guest posters. I know April had some Internet issues which made it impossible for her to do so, and I am not quite sure what happened to Jillian. But I am back!
Also, I have a 100th post coming up. Am I supposed to do something for it? If so, I am open to suggestions. I like the ones I have seen about answering questions people ask, so is that a good one? Let me know.
And hey, I missed all of you! I was able to comment on some posts this morning, but then I gave it up as a lost cause and marked them all as read. Even at my pace, there was no way I could read 157 posts AND work. :)
I have a ton of photos, of course, beginning from our very first stop at a rest area just outside of Boise. Eli and Sam were messing around and Eli threw his shoe, and it landed on the top of one of the picnic shelters. I have a great photo of him clambering up on the roof and holding his shoe up for the camera sheepishly, and I just had to laugh. Refined we are definitely NOT (I had to lecture the kids:"you do not burp at C. and D.'s table, even if you say excuse me."), but fun? You bet your ass. Anyway, since I do this all at work, you will have to wait for the photos, but believe me, I have some good ones to share.
All of the kids made a favorable impression, I think, which helps. For the most part they were amazingly well behaved and got along pretty good, which made it easier and more enjoyable for me as well. We did all the touristy things, and enjoyed every minute of it. On the first day, we ate lunch at the Seattle Center (I gave in and took Sam and Eli up in the Space Needle, which was quite a sacrifice in terms of finance AND mental health-I HATE being up that high) and turned around to see Sam chumming it up with some lady who was painting pictures and selling them. Next thing I knew, Sam was sitting down at her easel with a brush in hand; I got a couple of shots of that, and then when he left, this woman gave him a hug. Later, after splashing around in the kick-ass fountain they have there, we headed out and Sam saw a guy playing his guitar on the corner. He (Sam) had 37 cents in his pocket so threw it into the guitar case. C. and I were chatting and walking along and heard Sam holler at us: "Look!" He was next to the guy with his guitar around his neck. The guy helped Sam sing a couple of songs (namely Jesus Loves Me) and then made up an entire song about him, Sam. And then hugged him and gave him his guitar pick. How cool is that?
And Hannah and Eli both really enjoyed the Pike Place Market; C. and I let the three big kids go off on their own, with instructions about where to meet and when, and I think that was really neat for them. The boys (Eli and CJ) spent most of their time in the magic shop (and actually went back in the next day and let off one of their fart bombs, IN the magic shop, and had to take off running. Nice. I was proud.), while Hannah window shopped; she had souvenir money but never spent a dime of it, which made me chuckle. Cheap like her Mama, I guess. Sam totally ditched ME, asking instead if he and C, could go off on their own because Owen and I were too slow, which ALSO made me laugh.
So much more to write about! But I want to get in a couple of other things. Sorry about the non-guest posters. I know April had some Internet issues which made it impossible for her to do so, and I am not quite sure what happened to Jillian. But I am back!
Also, I have a 100th post coming up. Am I supposed to do something for it? If so, I am open to suggestions. I like the ones I have seen about answering questions people ask, so is that a good one? Let me know.
And hey, I missed all of you! I was able to comment on some posts this morning, but then I gave it up as a lost cause and marked them all as read. Even at my pace, there was no way I could read 157 posts AND work. :)
Saturday, July 26, 2008
If You are Reading This....
...you will know that I am not here. Well. I am here in spirit, but not in body. Depending on how early you rise and hit the 'net, I am either still sleeping, yelling at the kids to hurry up and get in the car, eating lunch in the dirt, on the steam engine, or baking my lovely, plump, dimply, drilled ass in the sun. Aren't I lucky?
But I love my readers so much-and know you all love me just as much, right?-that I will not make your reader be empty of ME the whole time I am gone. I am going to have a couple of guest posters! The first one will be the ever-lovely Jillian, to whom I gave an award that she blew off totally...but she has a good reason and I think she just might tell you when she visits. Be nice, be helpful, remember I love her.
And the other poster will be none other than my beloved April. She is in the middle of a move right now so it won't be until sometime next week, but she will be here. And I fully expect her to get lots of love, too. You SO don't want me to give CSG YOUR address, right?
But I love my readers so much-and know you all love me just as much, right?-that I will not make your reader be empty of ME the whole time I am gone. I am going to have a couple of guest posters! The first one will be the ever-lovely Jillian, to whom I gave an award that she blew off totally...but she has a good reason and I think she just might tell you when she visits. Be nice, be helpful, remember I love her.
And the other poster will be none other than my beloved April. She is in the middle of a move right now so it won't be until sometime next week, but she will be here. And I fully expect her to get lots of love, too. You SO don't want me to give CSG YOUR address, right?
Friday, July 25, 2008
You're Doing It Wrong!
Here is a question for the guys, and be honest: is there REALLY a set way to spray window cleaner? Is it possible, honestly, for someone to do it incorrectly? Because last night we got the Blazer all washed and waxed (and yes, she looks beautiful, if I do say so myself) and I was "in charge of" washing the windows and the interior vinyl shit, and Steve said, as I was spraying the cleaner, "You're doing it wrong! Do it like this." And I swear on all I hold holy that he actually took the can away from me and showed me how to do it. Which was exactly the way I HAD been doing it. Geez, you point the nozzle, push it down, and spray the shit. Then you wipe it up. Apparently there is some special method, some little secret to it that I was (and still am) unaware of. A flick of the wrist, perhaps? A snazzy little sidestep while spraying? A soft shoe routine afterward? I just don't get it. Being the meek, mild, subservient woman I am, though, I very carefully listened, nodded my head in all the right places, said, "Okay, I will do it that way," which appease the Manly Ego, and merrily went on doing it my way. Which was was the same way. Whatever.
In case I didn't mention it before, we finally got the gate fixed, so the dogs can't get out. It involved new hinges, two new 2 x 4's, and a whole bunch of screws and cursing. It also afforded Steve the opportunity to haul out his electric drill and such. Which ALSO gave sweet Owen the opportunity to mess and play and cause all sorts of a ruckus. Like drilling my ass. And yeah, I know how awful and perverted that sounds, but I mean literally drilling my ass. I was holding the gate on the post and Steve was drilling with The Big Drill, and Owen was messing with the smaller one; I was telling him no but couldn't reach down to take it away, and neither could Steve, so next thing I felt was a slight tickling sensation on my nether regions. I raised my voice at Owen, which did NOT prompt him to drop the drill; no, it startled him so the he pulled the trigger and it went faster. Into my ass. Ripped my shorts, drilled a small hole that BLED copiously, and also made a bruise about the size of a quarter around the whole. And even though it hurt, I had such a hard time not laughing; as soon as Steve yelled at Owen, O. ran around and started scratching Steve's back. As if that would somehow make up for it. Yeah, good times.
I started write about the gate so I could tell you all that now the dog is no longer chained up, and last night we left her unmuzzled for the first time. Now, I may have mentioned that we have not had to muzzle her the whole time we have owned her; in fact, she was both chained up and un-muzzled for at least two months before the barking became a problem. The general consensus now is that CSG probably was doing the house-watching at the same time she started barking all of the time at night; poor dog, our first reaction was to muzzle her, because it never occured to any of us that there might be someone out there lurking. Anyway, we left her unfettered last night, and heard not a peep out of her all night long. I went out this morning to smoke (yeah. Those drugs are REALLY working.) and she sauntered out of her house, stretching and groaning and, I swear, grinning. This is a GOOD thing; I have no doubt that she will bark if someone is in the yard or around the perimeter, and I also have no doubt that she WILL bite someone. If he comes back, I just hope she bites him hard enough to draw blood and slightly incapacitate him; I want my chance with the bat. I feel alot better knowing that she is out at night and able to roam the yard, both because of CSG and because I hate to have a dog that has to be chained and muzzled. It just seems so mean, even when it is necessary.
And tomorrow is the day. We all stayed up too late last night talking, planning, laughing. We say prayers every night, and all three of the kids had to keep adding things to the list of things to pray about, so much so that I think God was either up there saying, "Oh, for My sake, enough already. I know I told you to to tell me everything in your heart even though I already know it, but for this one time, I will just read your mind, okay? " or taking notes. The past three weeks, the kids have been sleeping in the living room because of CSG, but last night it was more like a slumber party. I think I fell asleep laughing at something one of the kids said, and what a way to drift off. I will be checking my email while I am gone (hence the gmail account I now have), and may even find time to post a couple of times...but if not? See you all on the 3rd!
In case I didn't mention it before, we finally got the gate fixed, so the dogs can't get out. It involved new hinges, two new 2 x 4's, and a whole bunch of screws and cursing. It also afforded Steve the opportunity to haul out his electric drill and such. Which ALSO gave sweet Owen the opportunity to mess and play and cause all sorts of a ruckus. Like drilling my ass. And yeah, I know how awful and perverted that sounds, but I mean literally drilling my ass. I was holding the gate on the post and Steve was drilling with The Big Drill, and Owen was messing with the smaller one; I was telling him no but couldn't reach down to take it away, and neither could Steve, so next thing I felt was a slight tickling sensation on my nether regions. I raised my voice at Owen, which did NOT prompt him to drop the drill; no, it startled him so the he pulled the trigger and it went faster. Into my ass. Ripped my shorts, drilled a small hole that BLED copiously, and also made a bruise about the size of a quarter around the whole. And even though it hurt, I had such a hard time not laughing; as soon as Steve yelled at Owen, O. ran around and started scratching Steve's back. As if that would somehow make up for it. Yeah, good times.
I started write about the gate so I could tell you all that now the dog is no longer chained up, and last night we left her unmuzzled for the first time. Now, I may have mentioned that we have not had to muzzle her the whole time we have owned her; in fact, she was both chained up and un-muzzled for at least two months before the barking became a problem. The general consensus now is that CSG probably was doing the house-watching at the same time she started barking all of the time at night; poor dog, our first reaction was to muzzle her, because it never occured to any of us that there might be someone out there lurking. Anyway, we left her unfettered last night, and heard not a peep out of her all night long. I went out this morning to smoke (yeah. Those drugs are REALLY working.) and she sauntered out of her house, stretching and groaning and, I swear, grinning. This is a GOOD thing; I have no doubt that she will bark if someone is in the yard or around the perimeter, and I also have no doubt that she WILL bite someone. If he comes back, I just hope she bites him hard enough to draw blood and slightly incapacitate him; I want my chance with the bat. I feel alot better knowing that she is out at night and able to roam the yard, both because of CSG and because I hate to have a dog that has to be chained and muzzled. It just seems so mean, even when it is necessary.
And tomorrow is the day. We all stayed up too late last night talking, planning, laughing. We say prayers every night, and all three of the kids had to keep adding things to the list of things to pray about, so much so that I think God was either up there saying, "Oh, for My sake, enough already. I know I told you to to tell me everything in your heart even though I already know it, but for this one time, I will just read your mind, okay? " or taking notes. The past three weeks, the kids have been sleeping in the living room because of CSG, but last night it was more like a slumber party. I think I fell asleep laughing at something one of the kids said, and what a way to drift off. I will be checking my email while I am gone (hence the gmail account I now have), and may even find time to post a couple of times...but if not? See you all on the 3rd!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Personal Vacation To Do List
I spent $60.00 at the grocery store last night. $60.00 for food and snacks on the trip. We got soda (Coke Classic-one of my many, many addictions, though I prefer to think of it as a tasty beverage that I really, really love. A Lot.), a case of bottled water, some juice and milk, plus lunch stuff and string cheese and GoGurts, etc... I about had a heart attack; that seems like an awful lot of money for food for two days, doesn't it? but then I got to thinking that if we ate lunch out the two days, it would be at least that much even if we go to McDonald's (there ARE five of us), and of course that wouldn't include snacks and drinks. We will eat breakfast on Saturday before we go, then stop for lunch along the way, and I will buy dinner. On Sunday, we will eat breakfast at the hotel (I love me some Continental Breakfast), lunch on the road, and then we will be at C. and D.'s for dinner. So yeah, I think maybe I will still save money that way.
I have made a list for myself, one that doesn't have a blessed thing to do with getting ready or packing or any of that stuff. And it is a pretty good list, if I do say so myself. Good enough that I thought I would share it with you.
1. This is a vacation. I am going to get myself out of bitchy-mom-who-expects-perfection mode and just re-fucking-lax a little. I tend to really ride the kids a lot about behavior and expectations and all of that, and while I think it is a good, necessary thing, I also know I take it too far sometimes and they feel like nothing they do is good enough. This is already something I am aware of and work on daily, but I am making a commitment to be just mom for the trip. Not drill Sergeant, not grammar teacher, just mom (though Miss Manners is and always will be alive and well in me. No burping IN the restaurant, you wait until you are out the door!).
2. I am not once going to look at my ass in my swimsuit and decide to put shorts on instead and just watch the kids swim. I have cellulite and dimples and sometimes my thighs keep moving long after I have stopped walking, but for 9 days I am going to say "fuck you" every time I hear my mom in my head saying, "You really should wear a suit with a skirt." I am also going to look AT my tits, because they are my best quality and kind of balance out the ass thing. I love to swim, love the water, love to play with the kids IN the water, and I refuse to sit on the sidelines and watch because we will be in public places. Shit all over that. Life is too short.
3. I am not going to try to change my parenting in order to make myself look better in front of other people. My friends have actually never met my kids, nor have they seen me parent my children, so it is oh-so-tempting to try to portray myself in a better light, but again, shit all over that. If they need disciplined, they will BE disciplined. I have been around parents who allow their kids to behave like total asshats (stole that word from both Jacquie AND Dingo, thanks!) because they are away from home, and I am neither going to do that to myself NOR my friends. Though perhaps I will refrain from saying some of my choicer phrases, some of which are too embarrassing and terrible to even put HERE.
4. Three of the four kids have NEVER been to Seattle; I am going to let them take as much time as they need to see what they want. I know Sam well-he is going to want to spend a lot of time at the Aquarium AND at the Zoo; if he wants to spend 30 minutes watching the penguins, so be it. By the same token, I am not going to make the kids do something they don't want to do. Hannah is afraid of heights and has already said she has no desire to go up into the Space Needle; I am not going to try to convince her to do so. This is their vacation just as much as it is mine, and I am not going to mar it with memories of being rushed or forced or coerced.
5. I am NOT going to tell my kids they have to hold it when they tell me they have to go to the bathroom. Just-NOT. Although I have excellent memories of the family vacation we took to Kentucky when I was a kid, one of the bad memories is of being told "You can wait," and being in pain and nearly crying by time they would stop to let me pee. Cruelty, I tell you, cruelty.
6. I am NOT going to call Steve every night (or ever) to make sure that the animals are fed, the tomatoes and flowers are watered, the house hasn't been broken into. I am going to assume that unless I hear from HIM, all is quiet on the Western Front.
I am sure that more will crop up, but this seems like a pretty good guideline to start out with. Anyone else have anything to add/suggest/take away? For once, I am totally open to suggestions, ha ha.
I have made a list for myself, one that doesn't have a blessed thing to do with getting ready or packing or any of that stuff. And it is a pretty good list, if I do say so myself. Good enough that I thought I would share it with you.
1. This is a vacation. I am going to get myself out of bitchy-mom-who-expects-perfection mode and just re-fucking-lax a little. I tend to really ride the kids a lot about behavior and expectations and all of that, and while I think it is a good, necessary thing, I also know I take it too far sometimes and they feel like nothing they do is good enough. This is already something I am aware of and work on daily, but I am making a commitment to be just mom for the trip. Not drill Sergeant, not grammar teacher, just mom (though Miss Manners is and always will be alive and well in me. No burping IN the restaurant, you wait until you are out the door!).
2. I am not once going to look at my ass in my swimsuit and decide to put shorts on instead and just watch the kids swim. I have cellulite and dimples and sometimes my thighs keep moving long after I have stopped walking, but for 9 days I am going to say "fuck you" every time I hear my mom in my head saying, "You really should wear a suit with a skirt." I am also going to look AT my tits, because they are my best quality and kind of balance out the ass thing. I love to swim, love the water, love to play with the kids IN the water, and I refuse to sit on the sidelines and watch because we will be in public places. Shit all over that. Life is too short.
3. I am not going to try to change my parenting in order to make myself look better in front of other people. My friends have actually never met my kids, nor have they seen me parent my children, so it is oh-so-tempting to try to portray myself in a better light, but again, shit all over that. If they need disciplined, they will BE disciplined. I have been around parents who allow their kids to behave like total asshats (stole that word from both Jacquie AND Dingo, thanks!) because they are away from home, and I am neither going to do that to myself NOR my friends. Though perhaps I will refrain from saying some of my choicer phrases, some of which are too embarrassing and terrible to even put HERE.
4. Three of the four kids have NEVER been to Seattle; I am going to let them take as much time as they need to see what they want. I know Sam well-he is going to want to spend a lot of time at the Aquarium AND at the Zoo; if he wants to spend 30 minutes watching the penguins, so be it. By the same token, I am not going to make the kids do something they don't want to do. Hannah is afraid of heights and has already said she has no desire to go up into the Space Needle; I am not going to try to convince her to do so. This is their vacation just as much as it is mine, and I am not going to mar it with memories of being rushed or forced or coerced.
5. I am NOT going to tell my kids they have to hold it when they tell me they have to go to the bathroom. Just-NOT. Although I have excellent memories of the family vacation we took to Kentucky when I was a kid, one of the bad memories is of being told "You can wait," and being in pain and nearly crying by time they would stop to let me pee. Cruelty, I tell you, cruelty.
6. I am NOT going to call Steve every night (or ever) to make sure that the animals are fed, the tomatoes and flowers are watered, the house hasn't been broken into. I am going to assume that unless I hear from HIM, all is quiet on the Western Front.
I am sure that more will crop up, but this seems like a pretty good guideline to start out with. Anyone else have anything to add/suggest/take away? For once, I am totally open to suggestions, ha ha.
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