Thursday, March 12, 2009

Strange, But...

Talk about W.E.I.R.D. I mean, seriously strange. Exactly 17 years ago today, I married my first husband. It was a Friday the 13th then, too, and although I am not especially superstitious, there have been times when I wondered if I should have known then that it wasn't going to work out. This is one of those things that make me shake my head at myself and think, "Now, what, exactly, were you thinking?" because I look at him and sometimes talk to him and think,"Eeeeew. I actually had SEX with this man!"

That said, I have to say that we get along mostly okay these days. Well, mainly because we don't talk much. Right now I am annoyed with him because it has been almost a year since he has seen Hannah and Eli, and it is all his own doing. He saw them both for two weeks last summer, and was supposed to have them for Thanksgiving. Didn't happen. Then he was going to come down for a long weekend at New Year's. Didn't happen. Now, Spring Break starts this afternoon, and where are the kids supposed to be? Yep, with their dad on Spring Break. Clearly that isn't going to happen either. It is strange, and not really like him. Hannah has called several times and he doesn't return her calls, which just seems ridiculous to me-an adult (ish) man avoiding dealing with a confrontation by his daughter. I try to stay out of the way; they all have to figure out how they feel about one another without my interference. I mean, the three of them having been making their own visitation arrangements for years now, without my input; within reason, I just show up at the airport with the kids on the right date, and am back there to pick them up when the visit is over. Now, Hannah is angry with him, which I understand; she and her therapist have been working some on how to deal with this, and for that I am grateful. After all, it is hard to sit back and KNOW he is hurting her, whether it be intentional or not; I want to call him and chew his ass, or I want to badmouth him to the kids, and I can do neither. Instead, I have to be there to nod my head and listen and support whatever decision she makes. Sometimes it sucks to be a parent, doesn't it?

Still and all, it is what it is, and both kids have accepted that he isn't going to see them this Spring Break and have made plans accordingly. Eli will be hanging out with two of his friends at least until Monday, and then I would imagine I will have MY turn with them hanging at our house. Hannah is going out with her "boyfriend" tomorrow night, and then I think she is planning on going to one of HER friends for a couple of days...which will leave me and the little boys somewhat at loose ends. I had hoped to maybe take two days off and take them swimming to some hot pools a couple of hours away, but alas, no funds. It sucks because of the freaking trial and all that goes with it, I won't have much (if any) vacation time left even if I had the funds to TAKE a vacation, which I don't.

Which actually kind of makes me mad; there is that Victim's Compensation Fund, and if Hannah was an adult and had t0 take time off of work, she could file a claim for lost wages. But since I am the mom, NOT the victim, I just have to bend over and take it and have no hope for compensation. And yet the whole time HE was in jail before they reduced his bond, he was getting paid $25/hr. to SIT there. Not very just, in my opinion.

But oh well. Nothing I can do about it. It is Friday, the weather is shaping up and it MIGHT get over 30 degrees today, and life is good (I am in my Zen mode today, can you tell?).


Anonymous said...

I think you can and maybe should chew some ass on the phone. You should not have to be the one to clean up his shortcomings as a man. That's bullshit and I feel bad for your kids being treated like that.

Our justice system sucks, didn't she miss school for the trial and such? Isn't that valuable like a job since she's a minor? That's crap there is no assistance from the system for parents.


I admire your calmness! :)

April said...

Some days, I ask myself, what would be so wrong with hating men?!?
I hope you have a great weekend.
And I love you.

Martin said...

Fuck him.

Enjoy having the kids around.

GypsiAdventure said...

Being a parent totally sucks some days and I'm with you...I want to chew ass, but I don't. Instead I practice will power...we'll see how that works!

Hang in there!!

Tara R. said...

I will never understand how a parent can be that cavalier with their kids' feelings. I don't that I wouldn't call and chew ass too.

Hope you all still have a great Spring Break.

Ms. Moon said...

It's so hard. I know. But taking the higher road always is the right thing to do. ALWAYS.
Hang in there and I hope spring makes it up your way soon because it does amazing things for the spirit and heart.

Shiona said...

Yeah you guys are better off. Hope you can come up with some great things to do with the boys over Spring Break

Mrs4444 said...

Sorry your first husband doesn't understand his role as a parent. Grrrrr.

Is there a post you can point me to that explains what this trial is all about?